Suzanne SxySadist’s Personal Blog

Well, it turned out to be a fairly fun weekend in spite of the “change of plans”.  I discovered Thursday night that my friend and colleague Barbara Carrellas (author of “Urban Tantra”) was presenting a class up the block at Vassar College as part of the same series of workshops that I am presenting in next week (and by the way Sheri Winston will be there the week after me).  

Anyway. Barbara was calling this class “Gender Free Orgasms” Or something rather curiously nebulous like that but of course it was an excuse to teach breath work and of course, I had to be there.  I very much enjoyed suprising the hell out of her when I stolled in and sharing a really juicy hug with her.  After he class I invited her back to my place for the nickel tour, a cup of tea, and some catch up time.  It was really nice to have her over.

The next evening my friend and birthday brother Dov (born same day same year as me but on different continents) was presenting a class on sinle tails at Paddles.  Well, God know that is another of my favorite things so I popped on down to the city to throw some kangaroo around!! <grin> My girlfriend Troy said she would meet me there with a gentleman friend of hers whom I had met and helped torment once before!

Well, after the class she and I proceeded to tag team the hell out of this boy for at least 2 hours! We started him off with some fairly awkward bondage (I like predicament ties) and then began the impact play and tickle torture!!  Let me tell ya,  when we were through with him we were all pretty much shot!  We stopped over to the diner for some breakfast and I think I crawled into the door around 330 in the morning. 

Of course Brett was arriving at 9 a.m. to wake me up and snuggle for a bit then we had to finish packing and head up toward the Albany area to present 2 classes for APeX (The Albany Power eXchange).  The classes were being held at an absolutely beautiful farmhouse property about an hour and a half north of me that was owned by a man named Master David.  There was probably around 20 people in attendance, some of whom I had met before in the are or at other events and both classes seemed to go pretty well. 

After the classes I was itching to play and the dungeon space had this absolutely beautiful suspension worthy beam so I strung my ring up to it and began roping the man I love. He and I had just received a new batch of 180 feet of silk rope from Madame Butterfly and I was very much looking forward to properly christening my virgin silk. I tied several under arm bands around Brett’s chest and then laid several more bands of silk over the arms.  Since the silk is not rated for suspension I have taken to laying some foundation bands of it on the body and then layering over enough bands of hemp to actually support the weight of the torso.  I then laid a band around his lower thigh and lifted it as high into the air as I was able. balancing him just a bit precarioiusly on one foot. I proceeded to lace his rings and stretch and torment his testicles.  (Did I mention that I like predicament bondage?)  <grin> 

It was actually one of the sexiest scenes I had done with my sweetheart as a top in quite a awhile and I pushed him very close to his edge with a slender cane, my beloved “big stick” and my favorite whip which I threw at him as I lay on the ground looking up at his very handsome form.  I actually got really damn horny during that scene and had so totally wished that we were home, so we actually cut out of the party fairly early and made the trek back at a reasonable hour, however by the time we got home we were both pretty exhausted and so we crawled into bed and snuggled and spooned and fell fast asleep.

sadly, he had to take off fairly early this morning to head home to Long Island but I am really looking forward to him coming out Thursday night to help me with my bondage class at Vassar and then spend the rest of the weekend just spending time together.. no events, no other commitments,  just a well deserved weekend off totally to ourselves.   Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me. 

So there was a last minute monkey wrench thrown into my plans for this weekend but it is actually not necessarily a bad thing.  My new friend David from NH and I had planned to get together Thursday night through Saturday a.m. to reconnect, and have some fun and although I had discussed it with Brett before making any plans and he seemed fine with it in theory, when the moment of truth came he (Brett) admitted to me that he was having a really hard time handling the idea of David coming to spend that much time with me, so I cancelled the visit.  

I was naturally disappointed but I felt that giving Brett some time and space to deal with his feelings was more important than a play weekend with a good friend.  I want him to know that he is absolutely my primary partner and that he is still most important to me and that I honor his feelings.  I also needed to do a little soul searching about this stuff myself.

I am pretty new to the poly lifestyle myself and I am still working out the boundaries and logistics of how that works emotionally, physically, spiritually etc for me.  I am certainly no poster child for polyamory and I am working up some thoughts that I intend to explore in another posting soon.. but what it boils down to for me is this:

I enjoy the freedom of being completely present and capable of remaining open to fully engaging with people I really like.  Sometimes that might just entail a great conversation and a cup of tea, it might include BDSM play of an intensely erotic kind, or simply spooning with a friend while watching TV or it might consist of curling up at the end of a delicious encounter and falling asleep. It does not HAVE to include what most people consider sex (oral, vaginal or anal penetration) but I definitely enjoy engaging in intimate ways with several of the people I really care about in my life. 

I realize that this is far from ”normal” by societies standards and that it is a hell of a lot to ask of a partner to accept.  Most people are brought up to believe the possessive love paradigm that pushes monogamy as the only acceptable relationship format and honestly I was there myself for the better part of 3 decades. But life has brought me down some interestingly twisted paths and I do not want to limit myself or the people I am involved with to only being able to learn from, love or engage intimately with one person anymore.  I believe my friend and fellow rope lover said it best (or at least in a way that totally makes sense to me now): “I believe in loving profligately while there is time under heaven in which to do it.”

And yet, I totally understand that Brett is going to need me to be understanding and supportive of him as he tries to figure out if he can handle this kind of a relationship. For the record, I am praying that he can because I absolutely adore this man and it is truly not my intention to torment him emotionally and he seems to think that with time and practice this will become easier for him to bear.  We are continuing to talk and discuss what will work for us both.  He has even journaled in his blog about this and has contacted David to try and build a friendship with him.  David, by the way, was really awesome and didn’t get mad that I bailed on him at the last minute.  He is planning to see us both (Brett and I) next month at one of the NELA classes and again in Chicago for Shibaricon.

The coolest part I think was that Brett and I are able to discuss even some really tough subjects as loving and compassionate adults.  Even when emotions are running high, we have been able to come together from a loving place and worked on finding out what would be best for our relationship and for both of us as individuals as well.   I love that about us and think that we are stronger and better than ever .. and there will be plenty of other play dates in my future with him and with others. 

I was scanning some themes for the blog and came across this list and decided to swipe it! I think we all need to remind ourselves to play as often as possible!   I am so glad that spring is finally here!

Be A Kid Again

1. Do a cartwheel. (that would take a LOT of work at this point)
2. Sing into your hairbrush. (LOL No one wants to hear me sing, trust me on this!)
3. Walk barefoot in wet grass. (Mmm I like that idea!)
4. Play a song you like really loud, over and over.  (Oh yeah I do this all the time)
5. Dot all your “i”’s with smiley faces.  (Cool idea! Too bad I can’t do that here!)
6. Read the funnies. Throw the rest of the paper away.
7. Dunk your cookies.
8. Play a game where you make up the rules as you go along. (LOL!! I do this a lot too)
9. Step carefully over sidewalk cracks.
10. Change into some play clothes.
11. Try to get someone to trade you a better sandwich. (Do they make sushi sandwhiches?)
12. Eat ice cream for breakfast.
13. Kiss a frog, just in case. (Bleh!)
14. Blow the wrapper off a straw.
15. Have someone read you a story. (My sweetie read to me in bed the other day, I liked that)
16. Find some pretty stones and save them. (You should see my altar) <grin>
17. Wear your favorite shirt with you favorite pants even if they don’t match.
18. Take a running jump over a big puddle.
19. Get someone to buy you something you really don’t need.
20. Hide your vegetables under your napkin. (I actually like some veggies though!)
21. Stay up past your bedtime. (I do this way too much already)
22. Eat dessert first. (And ice cream for breakfast?? Wow!)
23. Fuss a little, then take a nap.
24. Wear red gym shoes.
25. Put way too much sugar on your cereal. (This list is trying to make me fat!)
26. Make cool screeching noises every time you turn a corner.
27. Giggle a lot for no reason. (I like this idea too! I love to laugh!)
28. Give yourself a gold star for everything you do today.
29. Make up a couple new silly things to do at least once a week!

Ohhh man! I lead such an amazing life sometimes!  Dark Odyssey or as many of us refer to it “DO” was an amazing time.  I wasn’t sure how it was going to compare this time to last considering this event was held in a really upscale hotel only a few short blocks from the nation’s capital and the previous one I attended was at that fabulous (yet very cold) campground.  I mean hell … part of the charm of DO is the fact that absolutely ANYTHING GOES at camp!  But the organizers definitely know what they are doing and the entire event was first rate in my book.   They not only had an amazing line up of education classes and workshops (which I was proud to present three of) but they also created some amazing dungeon spaces and fantasy playrooms for all kinds of sexy fun!

Brett (my primary partner and significant other) and I both had an amazing time and went to some great classes together and seperately.  My favorite was one given by my friends Barbara Carrellas and Dossie Easton on DS Tantra.  Although it was not really new information for me.. it was a delicious opportunity to dive into some scrumptious sexual energy with my beloved. 

The evenings were filled with hot sexy play.  There is nothing like being in a public dungeon space especially one that allows sex in the dungeon! The moans and screams from others around you as you enjoy voyueristic and exhibitionistic thrills everywhere you turn!  Words simply cannot describe the experience, the energy is simply amazing!

Of course one of my other favorite parts is the opportunity to hook up with so many people that I know from all over the country!  I love keeping n touch with so many delicious folks that I know and love like: Dov, Darian, Barbara C, Dossie, Lee Harrington, Kassie & Daddy Russ, Eden, Brad & Meredith, Corey, and so many more! I can hardly wait to the next big event but in the mean time I have a couple of smaller things to attend in the next few weeks starting with heading to Paddles tonight and Albany tomorrow to teach some classes.   

More soon!

Where does the time fly? When last I checked in I was taking a sanity break day as I prepared to jet off to teach and play at Sinsations in Leather in Chicago and once again I am finding myself trying to catch up on two weeks’ worth of blogging!  Here is the short version:   I had a really great time at “Sins”.  My classes went great: I did Needles and Breath play which are both hot and sexy edge play classes!

My beloved and I had an amazing time together playing on Sat night in the dungeon space. God I love throwing whips and other wise “thumping” on that man! He has such great energy and I love the way he rises up inside to meet my challenge and just won’t back down.  Grrr yum! Whew!

One of the sweetest parts was reconnecting with quite a few of my “rope peeps”.  Jimmy Tatu, Lochai and his lovely wife Janice, Gray Dancer, and of course Lee Harrington.  I also got a to visit with my friend Sheryn whom I just adore spending time with so all in all it was a really wonderful, albeit short reunion and I look forward to seeing them all again when I head back again to Chicago in May for Shibaricon! 

I was pretty damn tired when I got home from that and annoyingly enough my suitcases actually arrived two days after I did which seriously delayed the unpack, do laundry and begin considering the repacking process for the following weekend trip to New Hampshire to teach a series of classes for a group called Darkstone. Sadly my sweetheart could not attend that one with me so I took off for the wilds of New Hampshire with my dearly valued GPS and followed it as closely as I possibly could through the dark and terribly rainy night.  I have used this GPS system many times and have become pretty accustomed to the lilting voice of my pal “talkie lady” as she informs me that she is recalculating the route since I can’t seem to follow directions worth a damn some times. In fact,  Brett and I have joked on occasion that it would be rather interesting to have a GPS “with attitude” that would chide in with things like “No stupid, your other left”  and get increasing colorful the more times you make her reroute you. But, this particular evening I thought I was being so careful and as I followed the pink squiggly line onto what seemed to be a very muddy dirt road my chatty friend remained reassuringly quiet, giving me absolutely no indication that I was the slightest bit off course. I followed as the pink line zigged and zagged past what appeared to be abandoned vehicles and farm equipment on both sides of me, curving around and past some rather dark sheds and barns until I was totally and completely stuck in the snow & the mud!!  Oy!!

Luckily I had one teensy little bar on my cell phone so I managed to get a call off to the gent that was hosting me for the weekend who promptly jumped into his big ol’ four wheel drive pickup truck to come and rescue my butt. However since I was actually not quite positive where I was that was going to be a bit tricky. I decided that I needed to grab a flashlight from the glove compartment and go off and see if I could figure out where I went wrong and it was an truly wet and muddy adventure and I slogged around looking for signs of intelligent life and found nothing but livestock. At one point, as I was slipping and sliding through the dark approaching a barn that I heard music coming from and had lights on, I had a very creepy set of flashbacks from several scary movies. You know the type, naive soaking wet chick who’s car broke down, working her way toward the barn flashlight in hand, everyone else knows that it is the place that the serial killer lives and is currently gutting his latest victim and all the cars scattered all around the place belong to his previous victims.  Half the voices in my head were screaming “no, don’t go in there” and the other half were saying, “look behind you, behind you!” I pressed on anyway and popped my head into the barn with a shy little “hello, is anyone here?” and had 2 rows of cows turn to look at me like “what the heck do you want?”

Eventually I found my way to the farm house, encountering not one single serial killer on route, but I did find a lovely older woman who explained to me that I had followed her driveway practically all the way back to her cow pasture and managed to relay that info to David, who showed up like the cavalry a few moments later, attached a chain to the underside of my car and yanked my little Versa and my very grateful butt out of the mud. I followed him to his place where I was staying and doing the first class, and a was warm and drying off a few minutes later.  I am delighted to say the rest of the weekend was a piece of cake from there.  My classes went well, I got to meet a bunch of really great kinky folks from NH and my new found friend treated me to one of the sweetest canings I have ever had. He is truly an artist with percussion play and I look forward to seeing him and some of the other folks I met in the area again sometime soon.

Ok .. that is enough out of me for one night.. more soon.