Suzanne SxySadist’s Personal Blog

Speaking of praising my sisters… I so need to give a very special shout out to my girl Miss Troy Orleans! I know I have mentioned her name here several times but I am ever more grateful and appreciative of our friendship for so many reasons and I truly admire the hell out of her. Honestly, that is saying a LOT because I only even LIKE a handful of the many Dommes I have met over the years.  But Troy is special,  very special.

This weekend she once again opened up her studio to me and allowed me to stay there and I truly value that on many levels.  It is so wonderful to have a comfortable home away from home to go back to at the end of the day during these sort of intensive experiences to just let go of the day.  Here’s the kick .. not only did she travel all the way cross the city from her apartment to meet me to hand off the keys, but I had managed to drop my phone en route from the parking garage to her place and she without hesitation simply dropped everything to go and retrieve it for me so that I could start the session I had booked and still get to the workshop on time to set up. I cannot even express how much that simple act touched my heart.  That is one of those “little” things that really show you who your friends are, you know?

She has countess times shown me big and small appreciations that go above the call of professional courtesy and let me tell you, this lady is truly a class act.  Not only is she classically and truly beautiful physically but she has a beautiful soul and spirit.  She is also incredibly intelligent, modest, polite (which I sadly find to be a unique quality among too many of my colleagues) and I am always impressed by the level of seriousness and devotion she applies to developing her craft and her skills and a dominant and yet never from an arrogant or pompous place of superiority or ego. I have co topped with her a few times and I adore how fun she is to play with and we just have a frigging blast together but pity the poor fool that takes us both on.   

I also absolutely love how down to earth and real she is and that she does not take herself too damn seriously so I always feel I can be myself in her presence.  We have shared intimate moments, deep conversations, and been there for each other during emotional times. I really love her and am truly proud to be her friend.  I honestly cannot say enough good things about her and if you are in NYC and want to book a session with a truly wonderful Domina and great human being, give her a call and tell her Suze says: “Hiya!”

Wow.  OK not terribly enlightening but it was definitely the first word that bubbled to the surface when reflecting on this amazing weekend.  Fifteen amazingly courageous women joined myself and three more assistants as we were all led by Alex Jade (also female bodied) on a journey of discovering what power & surrender are and where each lives in our bodies, and how we can safely play with our shadows and so much more.  We used verbal sharing and experiential exercises, individually and in partnered pairs, triads and even as an entire group to explore these energetic dynamics within ourselves or perhaps try on new roles and aspects of our personalities for the first time. It is truly transformational work for some and for others it is like coming home at last.

It is always an honor for me to assist at Body Electric events and although I have assisted enough times at the “Celebrating the Body Erotic” event that I pretty much know what comes next all the time and can anticipate what will be needed and when as far as supplies and set ups,  this was my first time assisting at a “PSI” so I felt a little bit on edge wanting to make sure I was available to help things run as smoothly as possible.  I had in fact been appointed as the official “Supply Diva” by Alex and my fellow assistants at the CBE’s in the past because I seem to have a knack for dropping into my masculine sense of focus and organization at these events. 

It is an interesting dual channelled head space for me because I am coming from a truly open hearted desire to “serve the circle” and make sure that everything is where it needs to be and available when they need it so that the miraculous and magical transformations and healing and awakenings that occur at the events can happen without any drag and drama and hiccups that come with sloppiness, disorganization and chaos. At the same time that is a fairly dominant, and very control oriented space for me because I naturally feel I know best about practically everything at that point and find myself resisting the urge to micro manage absolutely everything! So I run around and prepare and plan and arrange, check everything twice and then do my best to step back and surrender to the moment, trusting that what ever most needs to be.. will be.

But I am still fascinated by how the dominant and submissive energies can both be present in me at the same time and how difficult that bit of surrender can still be. I think I tend to notice these sort of subtleties more on these weekends because we spend so much time “checking in: with ourselves, listening to our internal voices and our bodies.  I truly love these workshops because I have always felt that you can be completely “real” at them.  Everything you are is welcome here and I love being able to be seen (and appreciated) for who I really am and be able to express what I am REALLY feeling without have to wonder if it is appropriate or not.

It is also wonderful for me to see so many beautiful and wonderful women that I have had connections with in the past as well as meeting new people with whom I have formed new connections and wonderful memories.  I am resisting the urge to shout out to some of them here but one of our cardinal rules at BE is confidentiality.  Who you see here, what you hear here, stays here etc. so no specifics but they know who there are and that I love them.  If any of you are reading this blog let me just say:

“Thank you.  Thank you all so much for sharing so much with me, for letting me bear witness to your beauty, strength, vulnerability, power, frailties, confusion, determination, power, courage, sorrow, fury, wisdom, ecstasy, and so much more, and for letting me share so much of me with you all. I would sing all of your praises and shout them from the rooftops but I am still feeling just a little bit hoarse at the moment. ;)  I hope our paths cross again sometime soon. 

Love  Suze”

(While I am off at the Power, Surrender & Intimacy workshop this weekend I am offering this “joke”.  Here’s to empowered women everywhere!)   

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.  

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.   

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water. 

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the 

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. 

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. 

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. 

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. 

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home………

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!! 

I just LOVE a happy ending, don’t you?

So I have been having a fair bit of fun with this blog for the last few weeks and have truly enjoyed sharing a wide range of real life adventures, erotic memoirs, fantasies, various snippets, thoughts, jokes and whatever else I deem worthy of popping up here, but, at times it feels like I am “writing to the wall”.

It would definitely add some juice to the mix for me if I had some feedback from my readers now and then. My absolute favorite part about BDSM play is the erotic connection and the interplay of energies, so as my dear friend and colleague Miss Troy Orleans so aptly put in her great blog: “Please Feed the Blogger!”

It can be as simple as adding a comment here or there, or if you can relate to something I wrote about,  let me know.  Anyone should feel free to ask a question or add your two cents on a product review. I know that Wordpress requires that you register to leave a comment and I am sorry about that but that only takes a moment or two and it would really please me a great deal if this blog were a bit more interactive.  Pretty please??  Thanks!

In other news, I am currently busily packing for Body Electric’s Power, Surrender & Intimacy weekend for women. I leave early today and I should be back really late Sunday night.  I am definitey looking forward to spending some time with my dear friend Troy and I will definitely not have opportunity to post this weekend, so have a great one all and I promise you some adventure reports when I return!! Just in time for me to head off to camp! Camp, CAMP wooohooo I love CAMP!! Leather Retreat here we come!

So like Oh My God.. I just had the hottest NiteFlirt call of the month! (Give this boy a prize! Ok well he was allowed to keep his testicles, this time.) It all started with an email: 

Hi, my name is Steve, age 29.  I came across your site and love what i see.  I am writing to see if you enjoy doing damage to a guys balls?  I am into heavy cbt and would love for someone as sexy as you to ruin my nuts.  If you are interested, I have an elastrator (banding castration device make for livestock) and castration bands that you could make me put around my balls.  Once on these bands cut off all the circulation to the balls, and i’m sure you realize how much damage that could cause.  If you were feeling cruel and make me leave it on very long my balls would be really messed up.  If this sounds like fun to you, let me know and I’ll give you a call.  I will honestly try and band my balls for as long as you wanted.”

Now I have had some interesting offers before but never quite like this.  I own an elastrator myself and have never been able to talk anyone into letting me try it out on his balls before, nipples yes.. balls not quite.  I naturally perked right up and emailed him back and said basically: “Hell yeah!” And sure enough that little lunatic called me a few minutes later and did exactly as he was told, he popped one of those incredibly small thick green rubber bands over both of his testicles for me.  I truly wished he had a web cam because I would have loved to have seen this process but I quite enjoyed the sounds effects.

I was fascinated and wanted to know everything, blow by blow how did it feel. He said at first it wasn’t really very painful, just an uncomfortable tightness.  We continued our chat and I described some castration fantasies I have had to him.  Such as how I think that in a “perfect world” all men that were either not excessively well hung or possessed of incredible stamina would be castrated and cuckolded, forced into “worker bee” slave mode and permitted to financially support the Queen (that would be me) :) Even if I didn’t castrate all the drone slaves, they would certainly not be permitted to breed.  But I truly feel that it would be in their best interest to have the distraction of sex removed from their lives. (Purely for their own benefit and from the goodness of my heart of course.)  

I also played out loud with the idea of creating my own human safe sex toy. If there was no way for sperm to escape his testicles there would be no way a slave could impregnate someone. It certainly would reduce the number of incidents of slaves cumming with out permission I would think, especially if I told him in no uncertain terms that I would leave the band on until his frigging balls shrivelled up, died and fell off, unless he could completely satisfy me. Yes, that would either do the trick or seal his fate in that moment, wouldn’t you think? I told him how hot I thought it would be for him to mail me his dried up testicles as an offering and ordered him to beg me to competely destroy his balls and he just moaned and wimpered which actually got me even more turned on.

As the conversation went on I could hear his voice becoming increasingly distressed.  The band was really beginning to have an effect and he said the color of the ball sac was turning dark purple indicating the tissue has used up every bit of the oxygen in the blood and was now starving. I got out my vibrator and decided that I needed to do my best to distract him from his current situation and seduce him into hanging in there a while longer, and then just a bit more, and if possible just one more minute. 

It worked for somewhere around 20 minutes and at that point he was practically sobbing from the pain.  As much as I adore the idea, part of me didn’t see the point in completely destroying the balls of the only man that has offered them up to me on a platter (albeit long distance) if I wasn’t going to be able to watch and deeply relish the process.  I mean hell, if I am going to castrate the guy for real, I want to put the band on myself and let him watch me enjoy his suffering!  

So I gave him permission to remove the band and had a truly wonderful, toe curling orgasm while I listened to him whimper and cry!  He wrote me a little while later to apologize for not being able to go longer for me and to let me know that they were still pretty tender but looked OK. He also promised to try to go twice as long next time.  I may have to buy that boy a web cam myself!  ;) Til soon…  Suzanne SxySADIST!

About me…

1. Do you like blue cheese? I have to be in the right mood for it
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes but those days are over. In fact it will be 5 months on June 21^st!
3. Do you own a gun? Not unless a BB gun counts.

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite? Cherry

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not usually these days, but I used to be afraid of needles. Now I stick myself and others regularly.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They are ok on a hot summer afternoon but not in my top 10 summer foods.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? It’s a Wonderful Life

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Harney & Sons Supreme Earl Grey Tea properly steeped for a full five minutes and then prepared light and sweet with 2 Splenda and half & half (is that specific enough for you?)
9. Can you do push ups? Not many or well

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? My diamond “promise” ring

11. Favorite hobby? I don’t have much time for hobbies but I do want to go back to aikido lessons starting soon

12. Do you have A.D.D? No but I do get bored fairly easily.  In fact, let’s see if I actually finish this thing. <grin>
13. What’s one trait you like about yourself? I can be very compassionate and generous
14. Middle name?  Kaye
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: Does anyone really read these things anyway? / I should be finishing my unpacking and making my list for my next trip instead of playing with this thing / But I miss my dear friend Emmy who sent it.  

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? hot tea / iced tea / water
17. Current worry? Packing for camp!!

18. Current hate right now?  None that I can think of
19. Favorite place to be?  Snuggling with my Brett

20. How did you bring in the new year? Recuperating from a party that weekend.

21. Where would you like to go? I travel a lot these days but my dream trip is Tahiti and her islands.

22. Name three people who will complete this? N/a
23. Do you own slippers? Yes a few pairs but I love my leather soled Isotoners
24. What shirt are you wearing? Japanese “great wave” tank

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I actually love my silk ones better!
26. Can you whistle? Not a finger whistle but well enough to squeak out a tune.
27. Favorite color? Depends on what we’re talking: Summer wear: pink & yellow (bright fun colors) / Eyes on men: blue / Roses: red or orange / Rope: natural whites and tan / Clothes for dungeon wear: red & black of course!

28. Would you be a pirate? Arrgh, I already am! See attached picture!
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? That is the one place I don’t sing much! 
30. Favorite girl’s name - Skye

31. Favorite boy’s name – Brett
32. What’s in your pocket right now? No pockets on this skirt

33. Last thing that made you laugh? The client I forcibly cross dressed and tortured tonight.

34. What vehicle do you drive? Black Nissan Versa hatchback
35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Hmm injury I guess a broken rib and foot – surgery my perforated ulcer.

36. Do you love where you live? Yes mostly but I do hope to move into a home of my own and stop paying rent eventually

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? One that belongs to me, one that belongs to slave tom and one in the kitchen that came with the house that I only use for the radio.
38. Who is your loudest friend? Nobody comes to mind
39. Do you have any pets?  One cat and one small dog
40. Does someone have a crush on you? I suppose so but I can’t say who for sure. (perhaps that little sweetheart Noel from Alabama)
41. Your favorite book(s)? The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz

42. Do you collect anything? Dungeon equipment, especially rope, exotic hair scrunchies, belts & scarves. And a hell of a lot of books.  
43. Favorite Sports Team? Umm pass well ok damn it .. the Leafs by osmosis
44. What song do you want played at your funeral?  As of now.. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield 

Wow .. I had a hell of a whirlwind weekend at Southeast Leather Fest (SELF)! I left home Friday afternoon and touched down in Atlanta around 5p. Shortly thereafter I was picked up by a fascinating 23 year old young lady named Noel. Not only was she absolutely adorable with her short swingy blond hair, big bright eyed smile and perfect little body, but she is also a highly intelligent and insightful, yet down to earth college girl, and I proceeded to grow really damn fond of over the next 2 days!! Like enough that I wanted to simply stuff her into my suitcase and drag her back to NY with me by the end of the weekend!!

It all started when she had confessed to never having been in suspension and I just couldn’t resist seeing her beautifully slender and flexible body wrapped and writhing in my silk!   It was a deliciously fun and sensual scene with lots of kissing, caressing and teasing!!  I was delighted that she seemed to enjoy our play time together as much as I did and I especially loved our end of evening cuddle time.

Saturday am I got up and went to a couple of great classes.  One by a gal named Leenie who was talking about “single tail dancing”.  I enjoyed her enthusiastic teaching style a great deal and loved the way she would encourage folks to shake their hips and dance a bit to help them loosen up before they threw a whip.  I have long believed that many people would benefit from being more relaxed and fluid in their stance when they throw.

After that I popped over to a class Lady Catherine was offering in “refining service”.  I always enjoy hearing my friend Catherine speak. She truly is elegance & dignity personified. She is also one of the most perceptive and skilled players as well as finest kink educators I have ever met. I am always honored to be in her company.

After a quick lunch I launched into 3 hours worth of bondage classes and had an absolute ball as always teaching folks how to tie each other up. <grin>  God I love my life! That evening I had dinner with my leather clan sibling Dawn, Noel and a nice man named Dave whom I had met originally at Shibaricon. Then later that night in the dungeon, Dawn gave me one hell of a service caning that will leave me colourful for weeks! Man.. she sure doesn’t hit like a girl I can tell you that! 

Sunday morning I slept in a bit but caught the tail end of a great class on ”playing with taboos” by reknowned scene person Hardy Haberman. He is one very entertaining guy! I will not go into great detail as to the nature of his final “role” but he sure can be an ireverant but funny guy and if he ever needed to he could probably have a great career as a bible thumping preacher in the south.   

After lunch I had my last set of classes; the Intention & Connection class .. followed by the Ecstatic Breath workshop.  I am always gratified by the great comments I get from so many people following the breath ritual. At least three people from that class told me it was their favorite class of the weekend and I absolutely love knowing i had that kind of impact on someone, even if only for a little while!

I packed up afyter my classes, and headed outside for the event sponsored pool party - barbeque, ate a burger and some cole slaw, said goodbye to my leather sibling Dawn, sweet Noel and several other people that I truly enjoyed meeting this weekend and then caught a ride back to the airport with a very nice woman called Teal. 

All in all I was in Atlanta barely 52 hours but I sure packed a hell of a lot into it! I am sure there will be a ton of photos up on the site in the coming weeks but feel free to pop over and look at last years’s shots in the meantime and if you are anywhere in the south east of the country, you should consider registering for this event next year.  It may be a comparatively small event but they do a truly first rate job! 

Ok that’s all for now, I am still trying to unpack and catch up on my sleep after getting in after midnight last night and still doing a sessions with a sweet new 21 year old sissy boy today! <blows the cutie a kiss> Talk to you all soon!

Male Chastity Devices - I absolutely LOVE locking a man’s cock & balls up (perhaps I shall elaborate more on that soon).  I have purchased or had dealings with several fabulous devices in the last decade and have decided to post about the pros & cons of a few that I have tried: 

CB-2000 - The folks at CB - 2000 (www.cb-2000.com) have pretty much become THE source for reasonable priced chastity devices in the last few years and I absolutely love that they are constantly tweaking and improving their product.

They range in price from $130 – $190 and one of the best parts is that if you break or lose something you can buy replacement parts! Also, don’t forget to snap up the “Points of Intrigue” for added umm, interest.

I bought the original version CB-2000 and wasn’t totally wild about it because it was literally quite a pain in the balls to get on. The solid ring design made it extremely difficult to squeeze the cock and both balls through. I also did not particularly like the short boxy look of the cage and found it to only fit guys who were very NOT well hung.

I didn’t bother to buy the CB-3000 (mainly because I was mostly unhappy with the last one I plopped a bunch o’bucks down on) but it is billed as being an intermediate size between the 2000 and …

The Curve!  Hooray! They updated to the hinged ring design and that made fitting them properly far easier and helped to insure they would stay in them until I decided to take them out. Also it is definitely designed to accommodate more average size endowments than either of the other two. Finally I had a device that I could lock someone into for long periods of time and almost literally throw away the key!

Today when I looked at the site I discovered that they now have a CB-6000 available and it seems that they have opted now for a different ring design (cb-6000) but to be honest, I am not sure I would like the new design better than the hinged rings because it just looks like too many little damn parts to be messing around with. However, I do like that the plastic pins all come out and away from the body and something tells me that THAT is a remarkable improvement.

I may have to save up for one of these babies or keep my fingers crossed that someone sees it on my JT’s Wishlist and gets is for me.  Ok that’s all I have for today .. More soon!

So one of my favourite Nite Flirt callers has a shoe fetish and LOVES to buy shoes for demanding ladies!

Well come on now… let’s be serious!! What gal on earth would say no to FREE shoes??!!

So this sweet little shoe slave would call me up and invite me to peruse a couple of websites in particular that he enjoys shopping on and then have me select pairs that I like. 

When I thought we were done he would send me additional links and ask “What do you think of these?” Or these… or those?  In fact he picked out the ones pictured here which were called “Tip Jar” and have this lovely little slot on the side for sliding bills into!  I think they look delicious filled with $100 bills don’t you?

Anyway, the shopping trip was simply marvelous and I have lots of lovely new shoes thanks to my little shoe slave so I decided to make a little photo gallery of shoe pictures to share with him (and anyone else that loves shoes). Just click here: Shoe Gallery

Have a great week all .. stay cool!

OK so if you have been reading my blog for any length of time, I have probably already thoroughly established that for a big tough dominant chick, I have a decidedly mushy “woo woo” side to me. I mean it is not all cruel <but fun> sadistic whips, chains and humiliation all the time with me.  The fact is, my heart is very easily touched by the human side of humanity. 

I have shared this, Free Hugs, for a long time on my My Space page. In fact it is the ONLY video that I have ever bothered to post there and it is the first one that I feel strongly enough to post here.  I can honestly say that it is absolutely my favorite video I have ever seen on the web, and I guess a few other folks liked it too because it won video of the year on You Tube last year.  And yes it can still choke me up and make me cry almost every time I see it. :) 

The Free Hugs Campaign  seems to have completely lost it’s steam  (last time I checked their website was dead) but if you poke around a bit you will see that the movement had spread to quite a few other countries as people took to the streets “holding their cards out in hand”. 

I love the concept but admit that there is little chance of it seriously taking hold these days in any real way. Hell, many people barely acknowledge each others existance when sitting next to you on a plane for 3 hours and God forbid the person across from you on a sub way seat catches you looking at them and you smile rather than immediately look away.  It can lead to some incredibly awkward moments or worse.  So call me an idealist, (even if only the stray reader that stumbles across this blog is the only one that knows), but sometimes I wish I was brave enough to go stand out in Poughkeepsie square with a “Free Hugs” sign, even if only to make one strangers day a little brighter.