Suzanne SxySadist’s Personal Blog

At the risk of sounding like a commercial break.. I wanted to mention two other events that I know of that are coming up that I think are REALLY worth mentioning! Neither of which I will be able to attend sadly but I definitely want to help spread the word!

The first is the “ROPE SHARE BENEFIT”  

Date/time: March 6th, Saturday, 1pm

Location:Greenwich St.(btwn Rector and Carlisle; three blocks south of the WTC site)
Specific building number will be emailed upon registration.

Donation: $25- per person
Instructor: Lolita Wolf
Assistant instructor: V

For full website, see RopeShare

The Rope Share is a bondage workshop that is structured to fit your skill levels and interests. There is one highly skilled rope instructor and one teaching assistant. The attendance will be limited to 12 students.

This month’s Rope Share workshop is a concentrated class for the beginner/novice. The instructor will teach you the basics of safety, negotiations and the elemental ties needed to start your bondage exploration. 

This is a lab-environment setting and we will practice on one another. Please be open to both tie and be tied for the sake of education. Please wear comfortable clothing as there is no nudity during the class.

Bring Rope: 4 lengths of 25ft. rope; 2 lengths of 50ft.; and safety scissors. Cotton, nylon, hemp, and jute are all fine.

To sign up, send an email to RopeShare@gmail.com Title the subject line as “Novice Rope Share Sign Up” and 
include the following information in your email:

1. Your name (Scene name or legal)
2. Contact number and email address
3. Rope bondage experience and skill level ( Please be brief)
4. What you are interested in learning 
5. How you heard about this workshop

Sign up now as places are expected to fill quickly! Beginners to advanced rope players are all welcome!! If you have never tried rope before, but are curious, this is a safe space to share and learn rope bondage. 

The other workshop I want to mention is: GENDER-FLUID TANTRA

A workshop facilitated by Reid Bruggemann and Alex Jade

Gender fluidity allows us to relate to the people in our lives from any place on the spectrum of masculine and feminine energies. In our personal lives, we experience gendered behavior and social archetypes. Through Tantric practice there is an access to a deeper layer of undifferentiated potency. This deeper field, usually accessed in meditation, is the source of all personal attributes and experiences of gender. By grounding ourselves in this place of Magic, and experiencing gendered behavior as it emerges through us and moves us into action, we can experience gender fluidity as a form of spiritual practice. As we experience the range of vitality in gendered expressions without being bound by them, we are liberated from habitual behaviors. This freedom is the basis of Tantric practice. Experiencing gender fluidity gives us a skillful way of being in relationship while interactive meditation integrates our spiritual practice into our personal lives.

In this workshop we will use Tantric principles and teaching as our foundation. We will also strengthen our capacity to ground emerging energies. Please come explore with us.

April 30 – May 2nd in NYC
7pm-10pm Friday
10am-8pm Saturday
10am-6pm Sunday

Fee: $375
A light lunch will be provided on Sunday

For registration and questions:
Alex at: 206-624-8440, alexjade@drizzle.com
Reid at: 917-488-2471, reid525@gmail.com

Reid Bruggemann is a Bodyworker, Sacred Intimate and student of Tantra. He teaches classes on Tantricphilosophy and practice as well as being an instructor of human anatomy and movement. He is a trained blacksmith and life-long student of music.

Alex Jade, MSW is an erotic educator, sacred intimate, psychotherapist, and student of Tantra. She is on the faculty of the Body Electric School and she has produced and taught independent workshops nationally for 15 years. She has mastery in clothes-off hands-on experiential erotic education and the use of ritual as a healing tool.

It’s that time of year again. Registration for Shibaricon 2010 is well underway and many are already registered for this can’t-miss event. Will you be among them? Register soon to guarantee your place!

Shibaricon is the premier annual pansexual educational conference for lovers of rope bondage, by lovers of rope bondage. The focus of the event is education, with over 95 classes being offered this year we will have our most packed schedule ever. There will be something for everyone, top, bottom, switch, newly curious or seasoned rigger, Shibaricon will offer something for you. Here’s what you can expect:

4 days filled with over 95 classes by over 50 of the best rope educators around including Midori, Zamil, Lochai, Claire Adams,Damon Pierce, Mark & Lani DV8 House, Lee Harrington, Two Knotty Boys, Dr-Phil (http://www.bondage-addiction.net), and many more! Please check http://www.shibaricon.com for updated presenter & schedule information in coming weeks.

Office Hours are back! Stop by the practice room for independent study or some extra tutoring.

Vendor Mall where you can buy rope, toys, corsets, shoes and equipment.

3 nights of play in our fully equipped spaces, including equipment by Bonds of Steel.

Special events including a meet & greet Thursday night where you can meet presenters & get to know your fellow attendees, Opening & Closing Ceremonies hosted by Psychokitty, a special Saturday night performance by Zamil http://www.kinbaku-art.com/.

Human feline friends, you won’t want to miss Psychokitty’s Kitty Play Party, back by popular demand!

Our home is a beautiful hotel near O’Hare airport with great amenities, a friendly service oriented staff, free airport shuttle and much more. For those of you looking forward to taking a few hours to shop at IML, our hotel is located walking distance from the train to downtown Chicago. Rooms are booking fast, get yours soon!

Please join us for a fantastic weekend filled with education, fun and friendship. Come find out why Shibaricon has become the must-attend event for so many rope lovers from all over the world. We hope to see you there!

Thanks,
Diana & The Shibaricon Team

SHIBARICON
May 28-31, 2010
Chicago, IL USA
http://www.shibaricon.com

Permission to repost.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday weekend! I had a bit of fun with my buddy $1000 Bill the other day and this shot just popped up out of the blue.  Perfect eh?

In fact the only thing that could make it more perfect would be an 8 - 10 inch needle run from the lower left testicle all the way through and out the top right side with a little “arrow costume” on it of course.  Yeah .. now I am inspired and I have to do that one day soon!

Anyway, In the meantime … I have a slight cough and cold at the moment and my sweetie Brett is pampering the hell out of me today. God I really love that guy!

Ok .. that’s about all I have at the moment .. I am going to curl up with a cup of tea and get some healing snuggle time! Lots of love to all!

The New School of Erotic Touch is offering FREE Erotic Yoga Video Tutorials for the month of Feb! 

I have been a huge fan of Body Electric and its founder Joseph Kramer who went on to create the New School of Erotic Touch for many years now.  I could never say enough good things about him and his teachings and offerings and now you have a chance to check out some short education clips for free just in time for Valentines Day! 

Take a peek! The Orgasmic Yoga Journal Experience

But in a deliciously evil and sadistic way!  My buddy “$1000 Bill” turned me on to a cock pumping device by a company called Rejoyn.  Although it is not the least expensive ”vacuum therapy device” that I have bought (the manual pump system runs about $145 on sale) it is definitely the best one that I have ever used and it has quickly become one of my favorite toys in the house!  :)  

It is really delightful fun to pump a guys cock up bigger than he has ever seen it and slip a ring tightly into place to hold all that lovely blood firmly in there while I then proceed to tease and torment him in a myriad of other diabolical ways! And what’s great is … some of my tortures would usually have an adverse effect on spontaneous erections but with the ring in place he is not going anywhere any time soon, so umm yeah I have enjoyed using these sort of contraptions for a long time now.  

The same company also offers a more expensive ($190 or so) battery powered motorized version of the device but something told me that I would be far better off with the manual pump version for my evil sadistic play purposes so that I am always completely in control of exactly how much pumping is done and for how long.

They also offer a variety of choices in support rings and I have found that the ones with the open ended sides (either circular or hexagonal hole - doesn’t matter) are easier for me to grab and hold onto that the rectangular ones with the solid square ends. (both pictured here)

Speaking of for how long ..  it should be noted that I do not follow the recommended safety guidelines very well. OK truth be told I totally go against almost ALL of the Warnings and precautions.  Such as:

1. The user should apply the least amount of vacuum pressure that will get an erection. Use of too much pressure could bruise or injure the penis.  (Umm I am usually seducing my victims into letting me give it just one more pump so that I can get them as big as possible!)

2. The user should stop using the Vacuum Therapy System if pain occurs. (LOL what part of… I’m a frigging sadist and it gets me off to make men cry isn’t clear?)

3. The Vacuum Therapy System should not be used while using alcohol or drugs.  (Ok they’ve got me there… I would agree with that one.)

They go on to warn you that the support rings can cause bruising and such etc and so forth and warn that misuse can lead to complications such as swelling (uh duh) and serious injury, but of course they HAVE to say that to cover their asses.  For the record, I have pumped the HELL out of a few of my playmates and left the support ring in place for longer than 30 minutes many times and so far none has sustained any lasting physical damage.  (knocks real wood as opposed to the fleshy kind) Of course your mileage may vary. :) 

I find it fairly simple to use however it does take a little practice to get the support ring slipped over the cone and onto the tube gracefully especially if you have long nails.   As a user friendly tip I have discovered that if I pop the device upright between my thighs with the lubricated cone on top then use my legs to steady the deice as I grasp the far sides of the support ring and apply a steady even pressure down and over the cone until it slides on the the tube.  Again .. takes a little practice but it will definitely get easier the more you use it.  If you think it sounds silly that I am taking the trouble to post this little tip I would like to mention that difficulty loading the ring is such a common problem that the company sells an extra little device for $50.00 to help make it easier for you.  I preferred to learn my own little system and save the 50 bucks for other gadgets of my choosing.  :)

As an additional user tip, to remove the ring mercifully when you are through playing, slide one finger under the ring at each side and open it slightly as you slide it back down over the cock.  It really hurts like hell if you don’t and even though I am a sadist at heart, that is not usually the point I wish to inflict that much pain. Trust me .. they will appreciate the gesture.

As far as other options…I have tried quite a few different devices over the years (What can I say? I am a toy slut and a compulsive collector!) and I enjoy helping others learn from my experience both good and bad. There was a very disappointing purchase that I cannot even remember where I got it from but the penis pump amounted to a tube with a small hole in it that you kept one finger over and that had a rubber squeeze bulb at the end that didn’t amount to very much suction at all. If you see one like that … don’t bother wasting your time or money. 

I own quite a few products from a company called LA Pump.   They make some awesome pump toys too but the draw back they have is that the base of the cock cylinder is flanged which although creating a wider base for more comfort… prevents the smooth addition of a really damn tight ring to hold that lovely pumped up blood in the cock nice and tight so the moment you release the suction you lose the “fluff” so my thinking is .. umm what’s the point?! 

They do sell some soft rubber rings on their site which are cute and “nubby” but do not do really do much. (black rings pictured above)

The “Deluxe Pump” (pictured here above left) runs about $140 and I did decide to go for this model as opposed to their “Basic Pump” (picture right) which runs about $20.00 less because I liked the idea of having the gauge to be able to have a better idea of how much pressure I was applying.

Even though I don’t like their cock cylinders very much, they do make some other wonderful devices that I have a great deal of fun with such as their Nipple Cylinders.

I actually have pairs in multiple sizes of these and love them although at times I have found myself wishing I could file off the “lip” so that I could slide a rubber band or something similar off and over a well pumped nipple! 

The other issue I have with them is that they tend to be a bit “front heavy”. Meaning for example if I have someone bound upright to the cross and I attach these to their nipples they tend to hang down and it is very easy at that point for the seal to get broken. I have occasionally rigged a a little “bra like” support with parachute cord but I have often wondered why they couldn’t simply make them a bit shorter.  Ah well .. in a perfect world right?

Hmm what else ohh yes… the Pussy Cup! Very interesting especially on smoothly shaved vulvae!!  

In fact it bears mentioning that it is far more difficult to get a good air tight seal for any of these products over hair so it can be in your best interest to shave or apply a liberal amount of petroleum jelly to the area to help create the seal. 

A little lubrication will also help the skin slip smoothly and more deeply into the suction devices.  I have not had any issue at all using silicone lube on the devices them selves but I am hesitant to use silicone in or around the support rings because I have heard that it can be damaging to them so I have played it better safe than sorry by sticking with water based lubes on the cock support rings.  

OK back to the Pussy Pump attachment - great stuff ..Really!  It makes the labia super sensitive but it can be tricky getting a tight seal due to the geography of the area!

The same goes for the Rosebud Anal attachment pictured left)  but the friend I tested that baby with REALLY liked the sensation that it created and as long as you are OK with pumping and pumping and pumping to keep the suction going … you can have a lot of fun with this!

These folks make a nice variety of other attachments that I would love to check out but have thus far just hung around on my “wishlist”.  Items like the Mushroom Head Maker (fairly obvious usefulness),  the Isolator that pulls the balls and cock separately, and the Two Stage Cylinder that also pumps the scrotum all sound like a lot of fun and I will let you know if I ever get around to picking those up.

As long as we are discussing penis pumping and and or sucking toys I could also offer a good word or two on the Venus 2000 by the folks that make the world renowned Sybian.

I picked this fairly pricey little baby up quite awhile ago (probably almost 10 years now) and still LOVE it!  The unit itself runs some where between $800 and $900 depending on which add-ons you take or not and the receiver tubes are custom fitted as per your measurements  either with or separately for around $40.00 each.  When I ordered the unit I also ordered a variety of sizes for a few select friends and some extra “average sizes” for general purpose play.    

The unit itself is practically indestructible considering it has been accidentally dropped and knocked over several times in the heat of the moment over the years and literally took a licking and kept on suckin’!

However the tubes do wear out on a fairly regular basis.  The inner sleeve is made of latex and there is no way around the fact that latex breaks down over time and with repeated use.  The fabulous folks at Abco(who are really great with customer service by the way, please tell them SxySadistsaid Hiya if you call) are happy to sell you the supplies to re sleeve your tubes and will even send you instructions on how to do it, but I very quickly discovered that this was not an area I was going to excel at anytime soon. So I choose to send them my receivers when they need redone for a nominal service fee of  $5.00 each plus a very reasonable shipping charge.

How V2000 Works 

This illustration shows the two ends of a stroke. The Receiver is moving back and forth this distance at whatever speed you prefer; hands-free!!

It is basically a motorized “cock sucking machine” and never gets tired and simply will NOT stop until I kill the switch. <grin> I have had people spend up to 8 hrs attached to it and unable to move or squirm away and basically have it “suck them dry!” <ha ha ha>

If I had one complaint over the years it would have been that it was never easy to set it up and just let it go hands free.  Generally my victim’s hands are bound and I like to keep mine free to attend to other things or even just leave them that way but the tube was rather tricky to tie in place and still allow to mover so that it could happily do its little suction thing.  So what’s a domme sadist to do?  Brilliant kinkster to the rescue!  My dear friend Danny of Leather By Danny created a clever little device that could strap to the vic’s hips and legs by use of his delightful LBD Leather straps.  I don’t have a photo of it handy but it is basically an acrylic plate with a hole it it that the the cock and balls slip through  that has a pair of rails that the receiver tube slides up and down with the help of a couple of rubber bands, a few small metals rings and a couple of zip ties.  Very simply really and works like a charm!

As someone that adores layering sensations I have many times enjoyed pumping one of my victims up as big as possible and then adding the Venus suction device over the engorged and sensitized cock as as such I have often discovered that I need to use much larger tube than I would have before pumping.  (Something to keep in mind if you decide to try these devices together yourself.)

Well .. off hand I think that pretty much covers what I wanted to share about penis pump and suction devices. Ohh except perhaps for the question as to whether or not they work for increasing penis size.  For the short term, absolutely they are delightful for adding length and girth but I have not ever really seen a lasting long term gain. Now keep in mind my answer here is based on occasional use per victim over time, meaning that I do not pump up the same person on a daily basis and perhaps if I did the story would be different.  If there is anyone out there that has had any long term and permanant increase in penile size please do feel free to add your 2 cents! 

Thanks for stopping by and I hope someone finds this article helpful. Have fun!! 

Are you curious about or already love Electric Stimulation? Well, I just took delivery of over $1500 worth of brand new electrical toys! Starting with the grandaddy of all e-stim toys:

The ErosTek ET312-B Pure Digital Power Unit!Whether you’ve been into electrostim or are just getting started, there is something to be said about having the best and safest equipment. Until now, there was no single device that offered the power, safety, and ease-of use of the ET-312. American designed and crafted. Not a repackaged TENS unit or signal generator. This instrument is the result of over 3,000 hours of focused design effort, with one single end in mind. . . E-Stim Excellence!

There are power units that sell for less, but none of them offer 18 pre-programmed modes — each designed by an experienced e-stim master to provide a variety of sensations all under computer control without continuous knob twiddling. Each routine can be quickly selected on the bright, back lit display using 2 push buttons. Once selected, the tempo and frequency are easily adjusted using a single “Multi Adjust” knob, not two or more on other power units. And the intensity level is easily adjusted using separate knobs for channels “A” and “B” with the current levels clearly displayed at all times. The ET-312 is powerful yet precise. Feature-rich and intuitively easy to use. There is no other power unit like the ET312 anywhere. Mention the ET312 to anyone into e-stim. They’ll know what you’re talking about!

I have been trying this new baby out with a few of my favorite bottoms the last two weeks and I absolutely love it! Initially I wasn’t sure I was going to be happy with the bulkiness of the unit but it is fairly lightweight so that has not been a problem.  Also it can run a very long time on its internal rechargeable battery so I am not stuck attached to a wall outlet which and I am not constantly looking for 9 volt batteries (both huge pluses in my book).  The display is really easy to read and the buttons can be operated one handed if need be. 

I also really like the variety of sensations and effects that can be created with the different programs and that many of them have the two channels operating independently (pulsing at different times rather in unison) but they compliment each other in delightful ways (one fades in while the other fades out etc) so the electricity really moves through you.  I have not even been able to try every one of them yet but several of my friends already have their faves picked out.  All in all I can find NOTHING to complain about with this unit but I have some more thorough testing to do to be sure! <grin>
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This article can tell you “How to Achieve a Hands-Free Orgasm through Electrosex” or check out the video so you can get a better idea of what e-stim can do…

Looks hot huh?? Well, while I was going a little crazy on my retail therapy trip I decided to pick up like almost ALL of  the Accessories! Check it out!

Cock Cap Electrodes - This popular electrode now comes in two sizes: original and extra large (XL) and I bought them both! Made in the USA from pure stainless-steel for durability and superior conductivity. Features rugged stainless-steel fittings for easy and reliable connection to our ErosTek Power Units. The CockCap produces a strong sucking sensation around the entire cockhead which has made it possible for many to cum without stroking. A Hands-Free Orgasm is possible using this electrode. It’s an amazing feeling. You can stroke along with the e-stim if you want – the latex condom provides a thin insulating layer between your hand and your cock, further intensifying the sensation.

Electro Cup - The ECup2 is an exclusive SexTek product that has become one of my favorite electrodes, especially when paired with the CockCap. It’s large conductive surface allows it to act as a “silent partner” when coupled with smaller surface electrodes like the CockCap, FlexProbe, and many other toys.

The overall effect? Most of the stimulation will be felt in the electrode with the smaller area. In the case of the CockCap, this makes for some amazing cockhead stim that cannot be duplicated by any other means. And this is but one possible application! You can pair the ECup with any other monopolar electrode you’d like, gel electrodes included.

Just try to imagine the ECup and CockCap working together!

ElectraRing Metal Cock Rings

ElectraRings are made of 100% pure mirror-polished aluminum making them highly-conductive, smooth, and lightweight.  I picked up the set of 5 to help insure proper fit no matter who I was using it on.  :)

But for even more adjust ability I also have a couple of the elastic  

ElectroBands - These are Fully-Adjustable Conductive Elastic Bands!
If you’ve never tried the E-Bands, now is the time. These ElectroBands have been sold to thousands of satisfied customers all over the world. The conductive elastic band and snap adapter become a simple, comfortable, and highly-effective way of stimulating the cock, balls, or cock and balls together.

Simply moisten the band, place it around your cock, adjust the band for desired tension, and flip the latch closed. The low-profile allows for easy wearing under clothing, jock-strap, or fetish gear (rubber, leather, whatever). Over 10,000 ElectroBands have been sold in the 4 years since we introduced them! One of the most popular and useful electro toys ever!
FlexProbe - They designed the FlexProbe from the ground up for simplicity, safety, and easy maintenance. And it also performs! The small, mirror-polished ball is made of an alloy of pure, solid stainless-steel and measures a mere 1″ in diameter. It’s small, to allow easy insertion and focusing of the stimulation signals applied to it.

Connected to the sphere is a length of high-tech thermoplastic tubing, encasing a bendable conductor. This thermoplastic tubing is specifically used instead of natural latex or other rubbers to avoid the possibility of latex allergies with some of our customers. It protects the bendable conductor and makes a smooth transition from the sphere to the connector at its other end.

Urethral Probe Kit - This probe is made from highly polished medical-grade stainless steel and has a molded insulated handle.It’s designed to slip comfortably into the urethra and provide an intense all-over cock stimulation. Diameter: 5mm (15 French)

I love the fact that it is bi-polar, meaning that I can plug in that all by itself and not need any additional contact points. 

Dual Contact Electro Anal Dildo - This sleek and highly stimulating bi-polar dildo is shaped specifically for anal penetration. The electricity can be turned from a very slight tickle to an intense jolt for mind blowing anal contractions.

Made from highly conductive stainless steel, this electro probe can also be used for vaginal insertion. Bi-polar design makes it easy to use with or without other accessories. Use alone or pair with a power box unit. Comes with pin lead wires. Dimensions: 6″ by 1″.

Even More Electro Play Goodies!

Then I went back and ordered some more goodies. The tubular electrodes are based on the same concept as Electro-Flex™. The fundamental principals behind all Erotic Electro Stimulation is a proper generating source, a proper delivery source, and proper focusing of the electro-stimuli. This Tubular Electrode incorporates these principals beautifully and is extremely functional.

The Anal Tubular Electrode -  delivers electrical stimuli to specific areas within the rectal region. It is an appropriate electrode for people who are not normally anally active. Its patented design offers the ultimate in comfort, and when properly configured, this electrode stimulates the inner portions of the sphincter muscle and expands out into the rectal cavity to simultaneously stimulate the prostate and erectile tissues surrounding the prostate.

The Anal Tubular Electrode can also be used on women; the sphincter muscle is an extremely erotic area in both sexes. The smooth nerve portions of the outer sphincter are not as receptive to Erotic Electro Stimulation response as the the interior walls and interior base of the sphincter muscle platform. The unique bow expands outward, making good contact at the very inner base of the sphincter.

The Testicle Tubular Electrode - is truly a breakthrough in the technology of Erotic Electro Stimulation. It is designed to conform to the soft tissue mass of the scrotum sack, encapsulating each testicle separately. The unique design snugly encompasses the scrotum sack, lifting and separating each testicle. The pressure that you apply while adjusting precisely focuses the Erotic Electro Stimulation to your most sensitive areas, maximizing the erotic sensation.  The Testicle Tubular Electrode is an adjustable electrode allowing a custom fit on your individual anatomy. With Mr. Amore’s new design, you simply remove the connecting contact, and using a pair of scissors, cut through the conductive material, and reassemble the connecting contact.

Corona Tubulars- I also have a couple of different styles of the head stimulators that surround the corona and slide into the urethra adding a great deal of interesting stimulation. They can be a little tricky to get in place but I have had some really delightful responses with them. 

A few More Toys In My Collection:  Over the years I have picked up a few other sweet little electrical toys some of which are not even pictured here like cock wraps and urethral insertions.  Some of these are specifically for the male anatomy but a couple of them a geared more for “the fairer sex” and quite a few in my collection could go either way or umm AC/DC.  <grin>   

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So basically male or female… I can E stim you inside and out with CBT, vaginal and or Ass play!

In case my excitement isn’t obvious I can definitely say that I am very much looking forward to experimenting with these wonderful new items!

If you would like to try them out, drop me a note and let’s set up your next appointment! Then the rest of you can stay tuned for some product reviews!!  <grin>
Best wishes … Suzanne

• My Main Website: www.sxysadist.com
• My NiteFlirt Blog: www.sxysadist.com/Flirts/Blog
• My Video Page: www.sxysadist.com/videodesc.htm
• My Fetish Photo Sets: www.sxysadist.com/membertour

In general I could easily go for months at a time with out even turning on the television but recently I have become exquisitely enamoured with a Showtime series about a like-able serial killer named Dexter played by Michael C Hall. For those of you that have never seen the show and are possibly wondering how a guy that cuts people up into little pieces and claims to be devoid of human emotion could possibly be like-able all I can say is .. it’s complicated but you’d probably have to watch the show to understand what makes him so charming besides his quick wit and boyish good looks. 

By the same token, I am also sure that a lot of people would wonder how someone that hurts people for fun and profit and gets off on consensually pushing folks to the edge of their endurance could still be a compassionate, loving and like-able human being but many people feel that I am just that. Like-able and loving that is.  And yet I realize that not everyone is capable of doing what I do.  How many people do you know that could actually look a man in the eye and then slide a thick gauge needle into his testicle while he screams in pain?

Hurting our fellow human being to that degree goes against what we are taught on so many levels about how to treat other people and what is right and what is definitely wrong. It took me quite sometime to actually embrace my inner sadist.  For many years even as a pro domme I tried to convince myself and others that I was only doing what they wanted me to do so that did not make me a bad person and certainly not REALLY a “sadist” since the word seemed so evil and scary to me.  

Of course, the truth is the vast majority of my clients cannot be marked at all or simply want a relatively light spanking or flogging scene, maybe a bit of cross dressing and / or gentle ass play with some tease and denial play.. definitely nothing too intense. 

But over the years I did get a few heavier players and I definitely did discover and finally make peace with the fact that I LIKE to hurt people.  In fact, I LOVE to make grown men cry and beg and sometimes even scream for mercy but generally I only go that far with people I know REALLY well, people that crave that level of intense stimulation, people that I know want me to take them to that extreme edge.  However, I ALWAYS watch the client carefully, monitoring their reactions and responses and checking the body for signs of potential damage and making sure I stop whatever I am doing like a good responsible professional sadist should.

And yet… lately I have been feeling an interesting new craving and wondering … if I didn’t have a conscience or if I wasn’t a good enough business woman to care if my clients came back or not .. how far could I really go?  I am not talking about killing anyone mind you… my cravings are not leaning that far over the edge yet and besides, I have no where to dispose of the bodies. 

But I am definitely feeling the desire to push someone further than I ever have before and for the first time in my life I am not entirely sure I need it to be with someone that enjoys it.  After all .. is it really sadism if the person likes what you are doing to them?  I had a dream recently that I was torturing someone who truly deserved it just to inflict as much pain as possible on them and NOT kill them so that they could suffer longer for me and I woke up feeling very startled by the sheer cruelty of it and yet a little turned on.

Now before anyone gets all bent out of shape .. I am in no danger of kidnapping some random stranger and hauling them off to my dungeon to torment and beat against their will but I think my sadism is going through a growth spurt or evolving some how and I am really curious where it is leading me right now.  

Well, just wanted to share that .. I promise to keep you posted and in the meantime .. I am going to curl up with Dexter and his “Dark Passenger” for awhile and watch him work but I REALLY want to do a saran wrap mummification all of a sudden.  <grin>  :)

Yeah yeah .. I did it again. Totally up and disappeared on you for a good long stretch. Sorry about that gang but it’s been a roller coaster couple of months. Here’s the nutshell version:

Holidays were good - Santa was very good to me and I got to spend some really great quality time with the folks that matter most to me in the whole world.

House hunting has not been so great however. In fact it is down right aggra-friggin-vating! I find a house I love - can’t get the financing in time so we lose it. I search and search and search and finally find another one I like in my price range - have the cash to buy it and they tell me that it’s a short sale that could take 6 months to a year to close but the house has issues that won’t make it worth that price that far down the road unless it is attended to soon! Grrr! So it just seems I cannot win at the moment!

I decide to take a little break and go on vacation to Phoenix Arizona to visit a really dear friend. This is my first REAL vacation in many years mind you and I am totally looking forward to a couple of nice sunny days sitting by the pool in the Arizona desert and wouldn’t you know that they got more damn rain in the 4 days than they get in an average year! Yup … that’s my luck so far this year! But… it was not a total loss. My buddy did manage to get me up to Sedona on the only relatively nice day of the week and it was truly lovely to see the snow on the red rocks! I took a bunch of pics and posted a few to Twitter. I ate some awesome sushi .. had my very first oyster shooter and quail eggs appetizer (ummit was definitely interesting) and I got to beat the hell out of a really good friend slowly an d methodically over the course of several days. Whew! That totally worked for both of us as a stress reliever. Ohh and he booked me the most amazing massage I have ever had! If you are ever in Phx and want the name to the very best massage person on the planet .. drop me a note and I will give you her name. (I don’t think it would make her happy to have a google search for her name turn up my website know what I mean?)

Hmm what else? I brought home some lovely souvenirs .. my little godchild really liked her cactus and I was greeted at the airport by my sweetheart who proceeded to spoil me rotten for the next two days to help me celebrate my birthday! (Jan 26th) Yay! It was a wonderful day and I got a brand new Wii game (I have wanted one for awhile now) and I totally LOVE it! I got the WiiFit Plus package with the balance board and a bunch of other really cool games and I have been having a ball with it!

Hmm, what else? Ohh yeah..  I have had some awesome sessions this month which means lots of fun for me and some special friends ohhh and I recently aquired a whole slew of new electrical stimulation toys but I think I will talk about that in a seperate post really soon! Ok that’s enough for the moment .. but I promise to pop by again soon!