Suzanne SxySadist’s Personal Blog

In general I could easily go for months at a time with out even turning on the television but recently I have become exquisitely enamoured with a Showtime series about a like-able serial killer named Dexter played by Michael C Hall. For those of you that have never seen the show and are possibly wondering how a guy that cuts people up into little pieces and claims to be devoid of human emotion could possibly be like-able all I can say is .. it’s complicated but you’d probably have to watch the show to understand what makes him so charming besides his quick wit and boyish good looks. 

By the same token, I am also sure that a lot of people would wonder how someone that hurts people for fun and profit and gets off on consensually pushing folks to the edge of their endurance could still be a compassionate, loving and like-able human being but many people feel that I am just that. Like-able and loving that is.  And yet I realize that not everyone is capable of doing what I do.  How many people do you know that could actually look a man in the eye and then slide a thick gauge needle into his testicle while he screams in pain?

Hurting our fellow human being to that degree goes against what we are taught on so many levels about how to treat other people and what is right and what is definitely wrong. It took me quite sometime to actually embrace my inner sadist.  For many years even as a pro domme I tried to convince myself and others that I was only doing what they wanted me to do so that did not make me a bad person and certainly not REALLY a “sadist” since the word seemed so evil and scary to me.  

Of course, the truth is the vast majority of my clients cannot be marked at all or simply want a relatively light spanking or flogging scene, maybe a bit of cross dressing and / or gentle ass play with some tease and denial play.. definitely nothing too intense. 

But over the years I did get a few heavier players and I definitely did discover and finally make peace with the fact that I LIKE to hurt people.  In fact, I LOVE to make grown men cry and beg and sometimes even scream for mercy but generally I only go that far with people I know REALLY well, people that crave that level of intense stimulation, people that I know want me to take them to that extreme edge.  However, I ALWAYS watch the client carefully, monitoring their reactions and responses and checking the body for signs of potential damage and making sure I stop whatever I am doing like a good responsible professional sadist should.

And yet… lately I have been feeling an interesting new craving and wondering … if I didn’t have a conscience or if I wasn’t a good enough business woman to care if my clients came back or not .. how far could I really go?  I am not talking about killing anyone mind you… my cravings are not leaning that far over the edge yet and besides, I have no where to dispose of the bodies. 

But I am definitely feeling the desire to push someone further than I ever have before and for the first time in my life I am not entirely sure I need it to be with someone that enjoys it.  After all .. is it really sadism if the person likes what you are doing to them?  I had a dream recently that I was torturing someone who truly deserved it just to inflict as much pain as possible on them and NOT kill them so that they could suffer longer for me and I woke up feeling very startled by the sheer cruelty of it and yet a little turned on.

Now before anyone gets all bent out of shape .. I am in no danger of kidnapping some random stranger and hauling them off to my dungeon to torment and beat against their will but I think my sadism is going through a growth spurt or evolving some how and I am really curious where it is leading me right now.  

Well, just wanted to share that .. I promise to keep you posted and in the meantime .. I am going to curl up with Dexter and his “Dark Passenger” for awhile and watch him work but I REALLY want to do a saran wrap mummification all of a sudden.  <grin>  :)

Yeah yeah .. I did it again. Totally up and disappeared on you for a good long stretch. Sorry about that gang but it’s been a roller coaster couple of months. Here’s the nutshell version:

Holidays were good - Santa was very good to me and I got to spend some really great quality time with the folks that matter most to me in the whole world.

House hunting has not been so great however. In fact it is down right aggra-friggin-vating! I find a house I love - can’t get the financing in time so we lose it. I search and search and search and finally find another one I like in my price range - have the cash to buy it and they tell me that it’s a short sale that could take 6 months to a year to close but the house has issues that won’t make it worth that price that far down the road unless it is attended to soon! Grrr! So it just seems I cannot win at the moment!

I decide to take a little break and go on vacation to Phoenix Arizona to visit a really dear friend. This is my first REAL vacation in many years mind you and I am totally looking forward to a couple of nice sunny days sitting by the pool in the Arizona desert and wouldn’t you know that they got more damn rain in the 4 days than they get in an average year! Yup … that’s my luck so far this year! But… it was not a total loss. My buddy did manage to get me up to Sedona on the only relatively nice day of the week and it was truly lovely to see the snow on the red rocks! I took a bunch of pics and posted a few to Twitter. I ate some awesome sushi .. had my very first oyster shooter and quail eggs appetizer (ummit was definitely interesting) and I got to beat the hell out of a really good friend slowly an d methodically over the course of several days. Whew! That totally worked for both of us as a stress reliever. Ohh and he booked me the most amazing massage I have ever had! If you are ever in Phx and want the name to the very best massage person on the planet .. drop me a note and I will give you her name. (I don’t think it would make her happy to have a google search for her name turn up my website know what I mean?)

Hmm what else? I brought home some lovely souvenirs .. my little godchild really liked her cactus and I was greeted at the airport by my sweetheart who proceeded to spoil me rotten for the next two days to help me celebrate my birthday! (Jan 26th) Yay! It was a wonderful day and I got a brand new Wii game (I have wanted one for awhile now) and I totally LOVE it! I got the WiiFit Plus package with the balance board and a bunch of other really cool games and I have been having a ball with it!

Hmm, what else? Ohh yeah..  I have had some awesome sessions this month which means lots of fun for me and some special friends ohhh and I recently aquired a whole slew of new electrical stimulation toys but I think I will talk about that in a seperate post really soon! Ok that’s enough for the moment .. but I promise to pop by again soon!

I have a new boy toy from Norway that has been amusing the hell out of me lately. I currently have him in chastity and am grooming him in advance for a live session visit in Feb or Mar. I will let him/her explain the experience in his/her own words.

My road to a new life

It started one week ago. I called Mistress Suzanne for a session. I wasn’t sure if she was the right one and just wanted to test her out. We had a good talk on the phone, since I live far away from Mistress Suzanne it was the only way I could get in touch with her. The conversation lasted for about 45 min and I didn’t realize it my self, but Mistress Suzanne made me talk and she pumped me for information, in a very pleasant way. Before we where finished with our session she had talked me into wear my cb-2000 and have it locked on while I was travelling for 5 days. Mistress also said since I now was locked up I should be prepared to be feminized.  Mistress had also noticed this fetish but we would let that part rest for some days. When I went to bed that night I was so aroused after our tease session and the fact that I was locked up, I had problems getting to sleep. I ended up calling Mistress Suzanne several times that night, and for every call she tighten her grip on me.

In the end of our last conversation that night she told me I should read stories from altairboy.com and send her reports about what I liked and did not like. My 5 days went ok, but I had never been so aroused and frustrated before. It helped to add to my frustration that I had to write the reports to Mistress. All of them with chastity and almost all of them included sissyfication. It added to my frustration and I started to realize I wanted to be sissified by Mistress. Mistress gave me my girly name Inga and first I didn’t use it to sign my mails. As long as Mistress continued to call me Inga, and started to add words like sissy Inga and slut Inga, it started to become natural to me, and I signed my mails with Inga. Another step on my way to my new life, and another step of me being broken down.

Friday I was back home and ready for a session with Mistress. I couldn’t wait until Mistress was back online but finally I saw her there. We had this fantastic session where she teased me for a long time. Mistress kept me on the edge, took me back and up again, it was like driving a rollercoaster with Mistress in charge. After a while I was so horny that I was willing to do anything for an orgasm. Mistress then started to tease my ass and she also told me about panties, how they would feel, and that I should get some of them. Since I don’t control my cock anymore I shouldn’t be wearing boxers Mistress told me. What choice did I have there?? No one at all if I wanted an orgasm so I said yes.

Mistress also ordered me to get some toys, nippel clamps, butt pluggs, vibrators, a dildo so Mistress can start to train my ass, and prepare me for our realtime sessions. After our session she ordered me back in my cb-2000 and told me to send a picture of me locked up, and show the numbers on the lock. I can feel Mistress control over me is growing, Mistress uses my arousal to push me further, I have realized she is owning my cock now. Now I’m waiting for Mistress’ next move, and I know I cant say no to Mistress.

Tomorrow I will be buying panties, and it makes me aroused and nervous. Mistress love it and I will do it to please Mistress. Im not longer in charge of my life and I can see that my life is changing.

Will be continued.

Inga

I had a really great session the other day with a fairly new client that I would love to tell you about. First some back ground. This guy has a fairly heavy NY accent and sounds like your stereotypical “brooklyner” that you would expect to tell ya “fuh-get-about-it” or perhaps a threatening “you-talking-to-me?” if I told him I wanted to dress him up like a girl and fuck the crap out of him. 

There is nothing about this man that would lead you to believe he has a girly sissy boy bone in his body, so you could imagine my surprise when he opened up the white plastic shopping bag he was carrying to reveal a full wardrobe of stylish and classy feminine clothes, jewelry, cute wigs, and even some make up! But I didn’t bat an eye and decided to dive in and give this gal a make over!

We chose “Sheila” as her alter ego and I started off by dressing her from head to toe and popped this sweet little red wig with the pretty butterfly rhinestone bobby pins on and took her down to my bedroom to do the make up. I think she actually came out quite lovely for an old broad. <wink>  I could picture her at the country club having tea with the other ladies from the rotary club or attending a church social like a bake sale.  She looked perfect .. well except for that pesky little dangly bit between her legs!

Hmm what to do about that …. oh! I know! Let’s just make it go away! Ok since she might have use for it again sometime I don’t want to make it go away forever but definitely until I am ready to let her leave, so I think a little needle and thread is called for here.  I took her to my medical room and tied her down to the table, then shaved her crotch nice and smooth. Next, I prepped the area with a little beta-dine, and slid in a clamped off catheter. (In case she has to pee… I had to consider these things of course).  Finally I simply pulled the sac up and over that little cocklette and stitched it away out of sight.  Simple but effective… take a peek:

Anyway, once I had her totally transformed I then took her into the dungeon and decided to tie her to my cross and torture her for awhile. She has delightfully sensitive nipples. Naturally I also decided to use my little slave girl for my own perverse pleasure so I finished up by throwing her into my leather sex sling and fucking her with my big black strap on.  It was a really great session and afterwards I let her clean up .. go back to being a boy and went to the diner for a bite.  No one would ever have suspected what we were up to just a short while before. <grin> I had a really fun time and I totally look forward to seeing that little slut again soon!

Tomorrow, November 10th is the 234th anniversary of the United States Marine Corps.  No matter what my feelings are when it comes to politics or the country’s past leadership, I have always been appreciative of the fact that we have men and women in this country who are willing to fight and even lay down their lives to protect us and keep us free. 

Click the ‘View’ button below to see a special birthday tribute sent to me by the fabulous folks at Go Daddy from who I purchase all my domain names. It is so beautiful that I wanted to share it here as well. The author of it says that it is to “honour my fellow Marines past and present. I’d also like to extend this tribute to all of the men and women serving in all branches of the U.S. Military - Army, Navy, Air Force or Coast Guard. Thank you all for your tireless dedication to keeping our country safe.”   View Tribute

I’d also like to offer a buy hour - get one 1/2 price on all play sessions to all military personal past or present for the rest of 2009.  Just drop me a note at Mistress@SxySadist.com and tell me you want to take me up on my Vet’s discount and I will be delighted to show you my appreciation for keeping me safe by putting you in bondage and teasing and tormenting you to both our hearty’s content!   Ooh - Rah!  ;)  <grin>  Happy birthday guys and gals! 

With all the fear these days about virus’ like swine flu, as well as of course the host of other diseases, virus’ and issues that we have to be concerned about, I knew that it would be in my personal best interest as well as the best interest of my valued clients and playmates to do the best I could to insure that I have the cleanest and safest dungeon in town!

So when I heard about H.E.L.P. which stands stands for Healthier Environment Living Program I was excited about it.  XMICROBE™ which is the latest technology in antimicrobial protection is a colorless, odorless spray that disinfects and continues to provide long lasting protection on treated surfaces against mold, mildew, germs, bacteria, and virus’.  The spray actually bonds with the surface and will not wash off with even my usual cleaning routine.  This same technology is being used in hospitals, nursing homes, day care facilities, and other places that want to insure the health and safety of their patrons, patients and employees. The website explains the process far better than I could .. check it out: Healthier Programs 

Since I have been known to be a little bit compulsive and definitely a perfectionist I decided to have all four of my playrooms, living room, library and both bathrooms completely and thoroughly sprayed including all of the dungeon furniture, toys, equipment, leather goods, rope even all of the dildos!  The guy that did the spraying assured me that this was the most interesting job he had ever done!  Somehow I didn’t find that hard to believe. 

Anyway, just wanted to share the news so that you can rest assured that when you come here to play the only thing you need to fear is my sadistic streak. <evil grin>

Here is a pic of me throwing one of Charly B’s great nylon whips at a truly lovely young lady named “Tazma” at the Folsom Street Fair this year! She promises to send a few more that came her way and maybe I will add them when they come in.

There is something so utterly spectacular about playing outside like that in the sunshine on the damn street! God that is so totally cool! And this lady was stellar hot, let me tell ya!! She danced and moved so sexy I just had an awesome time and am so glad to see the pic because it brings back a fabulous memory.

So it’s that ghoulish good time of year again and I decided to celebrate in my own little kinky fashion and make myself a very different sort of Jack-o-lantern!

Here’s how:

• Start with one slightly masochist and very exhibitionistic submissive
• Pop a heavy gauge needle into his scrotum
• Add a liter and a half of saline!
• When the ball sac is nice and full and heavy (not to mention cold as heck) grab and eyeliner pencil and draw a cute pumpkin face! Simple!

By the way, I wanted to use a sharpie marker but that part made him nervous, which totally cracked me up! It’s like “Wait, let me get this straight; “You are ok with me dumping about 1500 ml of saline into your scrotum, effectively blowing it up to the size of a cantaloupe for the next 24 - 36 hours, but you are nervous about me drawing a face with a magic marker? Ok, no problem!”

Anyway, what I truly love is lighting the sac from below with a flashlight because it glows so pretty. (pronounced pri - tee like a little kid) Sorry some of the pictures are a bit blurry - my low light photography skills could use some work.

I had a really GREAT time and my little victim says he wants to go for a full 2 liters next time! Woof!  Will keep you posted!!

Ok so I said I decided not to post a pick but my friend Cecily Deville took this one on Sunday before we went to dinner and just sent me a link to it so I said what the fuck… I may as well toss is up here.  

The play happened Friday and the color has actually deepened and spread since then but the swelling has definitely gone down. The front is almost as pretty and do please remember that I LOVED every minute of being pushed this hard. My buddy Jim Duvall really did an incredible job of taking me where I needed to go but with very little damage. Yeah yeah I have some intense color but he barely broke the skin and none of this will be permanent which I really appreciate.

It was pretty incredible but I think I am good for awhile and my urge to bottom that heavilly has definitely been sated for the time being.

I had a really good weekend out in CA presenting for “Folsom Fringe 09” and attending the world famous street fair for several hours on Sunday and so here is a recap of thoughts and highlights.

Thursday my sweetie got me off the the airport in plenty of time and I just knew I was going to miss the hell out of him. I don’t do a lot of events “stag” any more. I really love being with my Brett. I love the service and support he gives me. I love his light hearted demeanor and his adorable smiling face. And I love the way we play together.   But the air to CA wasn’t in the budget for both of us so off I went on my own. 

Smooth trip; direct flight from JFK to San Jose CA.  Jet Blue is in my top 5 carriers for a few reasons. Got my bags together and went to the shuttle area and proceeded to spend at least an hour trying to get a reasonably affordable ride to the hotel. Ugh! But in the end M Sol sent me some rescuers that picked me up and brought me over. Yay! Checked in to the host hotel; The Domain - nice place. Dropped my bags and went straight to the bar. There were a bunch of folks I knew there and I met several others.

While there I hooked up Mark Yu and Cecily DeVille of The Jade Gatein Portland Oregon.  I have known Mark for about 6 years and am very fond of him. He has a vast wealth of knowledge about acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, pressure points, the way chi moves through the body and so much more and he knows and teaches people precisely how to use all of that knowledge to cause pain and suffering that can also be beneficial to the body.  I LOVE that and would highly recommend his classes to anyone.

I had called ahead of time as always to book some “needle time” with him and usually get several treatments throughout a weekend.  We went up to his room for the first which was the perfect nightcap to the first evening. 

Friday morning - still on NY time - woke up way too early.  Chilled in my room w/my Ipod, did some email, had breakfast buffet with Mick & Dee Luvbight.  God I love those two. Got some more needle time with MYu and went to a couple of classes. Jim Duvall and Sophia Sky did a nice class on “Non verbal Communication” which I know a fair bit about but love other people’s takes on familiar topics. And then I went to Mark DV8’s ”Advanced Floorwork” class and got to follow along on his wife, my friend Aleni as he did one of his signature ties on his “flygirl” Lani.  Wow that is a complex but beautiful tie! Poking around last night I found a gallery on Mick & Dee’s site where they tried it. Check this out:  The DV8 Hishi Takote

Anyway after that I did my Intention Connection class and there was a slight irritation as I discovered that they had misnamed the class in the book so people that didn’t read the description had a skewed view of what the class would be about - but the folks that came and stayed seemed to enjoy the class anyway. :)  So it’s all good.

There were definitely some organizational glitches for the event and if you were predisposed to be annoyed or pissed you would have had enough to be thoroughly miserable about but I was in my “happy go lucky - polly anna head space” and so I managed to keep my chin up and a smile on for most of the weekend.

I loved dinner times - Friday Night I went to the sushi house w/a group of really cool folks: Jim Duvall & Sophia Sky, Max and his guest,  Adrienne Evey, and Allena Gabosh of The Center for Sex Positive Culture. Great conversations, delicious sushi and excellent prices! Sat and Sunday I had delicious dinners with MYu and Cecily one night at a great little Thai place and one night at a place called the “Fish Market”.

Back to the really main event - playtime.  I met and bonded with Jim Duvall a couple of years ago and had a scene where he “beat the crap” out of me with “a big stick” and literally had bruises for at least a month afterwards. He is really damn good at it. He understands the way I use my breath to process pain and reads my body language fabulously so it was as if he could tell exactly how hard to hit me and when. It was amazing and wonderful and so cathartic for me, and I so needed that! He saved a spot in his dance card for me on Friday night and treated me to another very similar scene.  Wow! Holy shit and wow again!!  I screamed and cursed and laughed and cried and called him names and through it all he kept smiling his sexy “mean man” smile and hitting me with that thick chunk of bamboo. My thighs are completely black, blue, purple, and magenta, front and back front the curve of my ass to 3 inches above my knees and I will likely still have some evidence of this one for a month.  4 days after the fact .. I feel a bit sore but probably no where near as bad and most folks would assume from the look of it.  I considered posting a photo but decided against it for now but I will suffice it to say that it was an amazing release for me and I am really happy and relaxed right now.

Sat I went to Mark’s trampling class and learned a few new ways to use my feet and places to create sensation. I went to Aleni DV8’s “In’s Outs and Round abouts of CBT” (more on Aleni later) and I went to Jim Duvall’s “Rape and Abduction play” class which confirmed that he is a delisciously ”sick fuck” and wished for the first time that I had never met him before which may sound weird considering how much I loved playing with him the night before but anyone that was in the class would understand why I say that. ;) My ”Ecstatic Breathing” class followed and I had a nice turn out of folks that came to learn how to use their breath in different ways which I really love to teach.

Sat night .. I had the distinct honor of playing with Aleni DV8. She is a beautifully expressive and responsive bottom and it didn’t take long for her to get warmed up and wiggling sensually at the end of my favorite 4 foot signal whip! We had a delightful time together and when I returned her to her Master Mark DV8 at the end of the evening I thanked him again for the honour and trust he showed me.  I really enjoy knowing the DV8 clan who I met and usually see at Shibaricon.  I have wished a few times I could afford travel to Australia to visit them and sight see the “land down under.”  Maybe someday huh?

 By the time time Sunday rolled around I was feeling pretty tired.  Surprise huh?  I had to get my luggage out of my room and my friends Mark and Cecily let me store it in theirs, quick breakfast and onto the bus… 30 mins or so from San Jose to San Fran.  Chatted the whole time to a really lovely and sweet girl who goes by “OTK Blondie”.  Then I wandered around Folsom Street Fairfor hours, marvelling at the sights like hot naked gay twister, and the amazing costumes! Checking out the fabulous vendors, and although I did almost no shopping I made a nice little mental wish list. I also bumped into folks I know here and there and at one point my buddy Charly B offered to let me throw one of the great nylon whips he made at his lovely escort and next thing I know we ended up doing a scene for at least 30 mins right there in the street! She was totally fucking hot and sexy and I loved making her dance too!  What a day!

But my early afternoon my feet were really tired and decided to catch the first bus back to the hotel. Relaxed, had some sake, took a shower and enjoyed dinner with my friends and got a ride back to SJC airport with “Smiling Guy Mike”. (Huge thanks again for the shuttle rides!)  

Jet Blue did right by me again going home. Breezed through check in with no hassle even though my bag was a couple pounds over. <grin> I must be living right huh? I had fully intended on sleeping the whole way home but they offered the premium movie channels for free since the Direct TV was on the fritz and so I ended up zoning out to a cute little Sandra Bullock flick (I like her a lot) for the first 2 hours or so and then another adorable comedy with Eddie Murphy and a kid and well before I knew it I was almost home. 

I started thinking about the fact that I knew my Brett was going to be waiting for me there, I how much I missed him and couldn’t wait to see him to tell him all about my weekend and show him the aftermath of “Hurricane Jim”.  I ran to him and he kissed just like in the movies!  <grin> Then helped me get my bags and took me home, tucked me in and let me sleep while he unpacked my toys, did my laundry and picked up some groceries. When I woke up I spent a lazy day settling back in and later that night he made me fillet mignon and lobster for dinner and I fell asleep again watching an old British comedy with my sweetie.

Today I am taking my time catching up, checking in with some folks, still a bit sore but really happy.  I am so blessed and thank you for caring about me or being curious enough to read this. I wish you the best and will check back in here soon.