How to Make an Appointment with A Professional
Reprinted from the web site of Mistress Simone,
Whether you are a nervous novice contemplating
your first experience, or a weekly visitor at the local house
of domination, read this article to learn how to find the
Dominatrix of your dreams and how not to be Her nightmare.
My conversations with other Mistresses have revealed common
experiences and preferences in regards to the conduct and
procedure for booking appointments. Below I outline crucial
advice for the submissive client seeking a session.
1) List your fetishes
Make a list of the your likes/dislikes. Pay attention to your
fantasies, if you fantasize about a certain fetish frequently
- usually you will enjoy it in session. Categorize your
list into things that you (a) know you like, (b) are willing
to try, and (c) do not want to do. Don't leave anything out
because you are embarrassed or scared, wish you didn't want
it, think the Mistress will lose respect for you. These mistakes
will only keep you from realizing your true fantasies.
2) Determine your limits
Go back over your list. Estimate your threshold for each activity
by comparing it to prior experiences with intense sensations
that you found erotic (or past S/M scenes). Realistically
evaluate whether you want light, medium or heavy play in each
area of interest. Remember that each activity may be combined
with additional sensory input during a session, which will
multiply your perception. Novices should start with light
play only; you can always increase the intensity. And most
importantly don't say "you can do anything with me, Mistress"
because an experienced Dominatrix will use that opportunity
to satisfy her most severe sadistic urges thinking that you
are one of the rare few who can handle it. Don't try to impress
by overstating your limits - you won't!
3) Special equipment
Some activities require specific toys and equipment. Figure
out your special needs such as: suspension rig, cross dress
wardrobe, electric shock devices, etc. Don't assume that every
Mistress can provide the correct equipment. Furthermore, if
you have a specific fetish for something unusual such as "cabled
knee socks," go out and buy some to present to the Mistress
4) Decide what you need in a Dominatrix
Think about what are the most important qualities you would
like to find in a Mistress. Consider such elements as personality,
physical appearance and style of play. Some Mistresses have
a friendly, compassionate, flexible play style while other
Mistresses have a distant, haughty, imperial play style. In
order to learn about a client's preferences, I often ask them
(a) who they have seen in the past, (b) what worked with her,
and (c) what did not work. Try going over your history to
determine the fundamental characteristics for a successful
encounter. Determine what sort of relationship you want. Do
you like the short term, anonymity that a house, which employs
several Dommes, can provide or do you prefer a long-term personal
interaction with an independent Mistress?
5) Independent or house?
Decide which is right for you, an independent Domme who works
for herself or a Dominatrix on staff at a house of domination.
There are pros and cons for each. Women who work independently
often have a private studio (sometimes shared with another
Domme), are more experienced and sincere, and offer a more
personal connection. However independents are generally more
expensive, more selective about their submissives, and less
likely to see you at the last minute. Houses are less expensive,
convenient, and offer opportunity for group sessions. However,
the Mistresses at a house are sometimes less experienced,
and may not be genuinely into the scene.
6) Look at ads
Keeping your own Dominatrix needs in mind, look at advertisements
in local papers and on the web. Take cues from the ads regarding
the attitude, interests, dislikes, intensity and style of
the Dommes. Look for mentions of your specific fetish but
don't assume that a Mistress is not into your scene just because
it isn't listed in her ad. Be wary of a Dominatrix who doesn't
show her face - this denotes a reluctance to be associated
with S/M, which I see as an indication that she isn't really
into the scene (generalization - not true in every case).
7) Be careful
Don't think that less is more; don't try to save money by
going to someone based on tribute alone, if she doesn't know
what she is doing she could seriously hurt you. If finances
are a concern I advise visiting a well-known house of domination
as opposed to an independent Mistress.
8) How to write a letter or email
Write a polite, submissive, concise note outlining your specific
interests including your thresholds (i.e. light spanking,
heavy CBT). Enclose whatever information or tribute she has
requested or you may not receive an answer. Dominas often
screen applicants by ignoring the ones that fail to demonstrate
their sincerity, this is necessary because so many applicants
are insincere and Mistresses receive many many letters and
emails. Unless requested, you do not have to send a photo
or jpeg of yourself. Clearly indicate the dates you going
to be in her area if traveling and write well in advance as
most Dommes get so much correspondence they can't keep up.
Including contact information (email, phone, pager) will greatly
increase your sincerity rating in her eyes. If you are worried
about discretion, get a pager or voicemail number or buy an
inexpensive PO box. Believe Me, it is well worth the investment.
Make sure your address or contact info is on every page of
your letter - more than once I have lost the envelope
for letters that only had the return address on the envelope.
Finally wait and wait and wait for a reply. She is probably
not going to have time to get back to you immediately.
Of course you will be nervous when you call, that is expected,
everybody is nervous. Just make the call. Then follow my directions:
Introduce yourself before you start asking questions.
Everyday I have to interrupt rude callers to find out whom
I am speaking to...most annoying!
If you are making up a name choose something
unusual instead of Bob, Steve, or John. There are already
too many of those. Make up something unusual and easy to remember
for both of you.
Call at a decent time.
If a receptionist answers, let her do her job.
She is there to answer your questions and book appointments.
Leaving a message for the Mistress probably won't get a response
unless she already knows you.
When speaking to a Dominatrix ask if she is
seeing new clients, tell her what you want, ask questions
about her facility, experience level, her specialties or interests,
hours, tribute, etc. However, don't try to press her into
saying she does certain things such as golden showers, or
dildo training. Those activities are illegal and she may not
want to discuss them on the phone or she may deny that she
does them. Indicate your interest in those areas and see if
she still encourages you to visit her.
Remember that she is assessing you so don't
keep her on the phone with repetitive questions or idle chitchat,
let her know that you respect and value her time.
Go ahead and tell her your secret desires, even
if you feel embarrassed. She has probably heard it all before.
Don't hang up when she answers or call just
to hear her voice on the machine - she might have caller
ID or *69 to call you back, and it will make her angry with
Don't book a time if you can't make it or you
aren't really sure (I turn down anyone who sounds the least
Write down the directions and address including
suite number. Note any assignments she gives you and the answers
to your questions so that you can review later.
If you can't keep your appointment, call to
cancel as soon as possible. She will appreciate it because
no-shows cost money if she saves time for you.
10) The appointment
Call to confirm as instructed. Be on time. Leave if she seems
to be drunk or on drugs because that is a very dangerous combination
with BDSM. Leave if the Dominatrix is not who you saw in the
photo. Leave if there is no equipment or wardrobe (if these
elements are important to you). Leave if the space is dirty
or looks poorly maintained because it may indicate unsafe
11) What to expect in session
Your Mistress might answer the door in street clothes. You
might have to wait in a room for her to finish up with another
client. You might have to fill out a questionnaire about your
likes/dislikes. You might be required to pay up front. You
might be left to take off your clothes after a brief meeting
with the Mistress (but legally she can't tell you to undress
without risk, so take a hint). She might give you a safeword
(a word that will let her know you can't take more of the
same) before she starts to play. Act according to her directions
-- some Mistresses demand strict adherence to conduct befitting
a slave, others don't care if you act submissive. Don't have
unrealistic expectations - the session will not match
your fantasies perfectly. And definitely do not bring a line-by-line
script. Be open to her and let her do her thing - you
might find it better than your script.
12) What NOT to expect in session
Realize that when a Mistress says "no sex" she truly
means it in the broadest interpretation. Know that she won't
be taking off her clothes, dancing, massaging or letting you
kiss intimate body parts - go see someone else for these
13) What to do so that she will let you come
Be clean. Be respectful. Be obedient. If you really want to
make an impression, bring her a little something such as a
gag, blindfold, scented candle or flowers. Go over your likes/dislikes
with the receptionist or Domina so that it is fresh in her
mind. You can bring a sheet about your interests but do not
expect her to accept it. Speak up if she has pushed beyond
your limits -- a good Domme will appreciate the input without
being threatened. Don't try to impress by surpassing your
limits. Understand that she may have another client waiting
so don't hang around so long that she has to come out and
tell you about her next appointment. Help her to clean up.
Demonstrate your gratitude - tell her how great the session
was and that you want to see her again.
If she works in a house of domination, tip her. She only gets
a percentage of the full tribute. It is not necessary to tip
an independent Mistress.
15) Follow Up
Afterwards write down your impressions, wait a few days to
fully assess your reactions. Sometimes you will find activities
that were unpleasant in session, are actually exciting afterwards.
This is a common experience. Some BDSM is highly anticipated
before, despised during, and relished after the act. That
is a part of masochism - doing things that you don't
like. Evaluate whether you want to see her again and figure
out the positive and negative elements so that you can pass
that information on to the next Domina you see whether it
is her or someone else. Adjust your list of limits if you
have learned more about your preferences. When you call again
don't be vague saying "Hi, its Joe" - there
are a lot of guys named Joe. Remind her of who you are by
name, appearance, what you did in session etc. without her
having to ask.
If you follow My advice you will know enough
about your preferences and the protocol to realize your fantasies
with the right Dominatrix.