World’s Oldest Newbie
an essay by Suzanne's slave T
At the age of 65 I submitted myself for the
first time to a wonderful Domme who proceeded to strip me
and whip me. I was walking on air - I felt like a new man,
and I am enthralled by this wonderful Domme, Suzanne SxySadist!
How did I get there, and what took me so
I’m an Ivy Leaguer who had a successful
career in publishing, enjoyed 32 years married to a fabulous
woman, losing her when she was struck by a car. Our daughter,
graduate of another Ivy League school, is an Air Force pilot.
My life is certifiedly vanilla.
Almost by way of apology I explained to SxySadist
at my first session, “I really think I am a balanced,
happy individual.” No scoffing, please. And yet if
life was good before, it became better as soon as I surrendered
to my Domme’s control.
Almost from the start, however, the contradiction
arose: How can what I know personally to be so great be
so misunderstood by the general public? I’m walking
on air, yet I just know, from my years in the vanilla world,
that most people believe the world of BDSM is kinky at the
least and possibly depraved. Shudder. (The letters are abbreviations
for, among other terms, bondage, discipline, dominance and
The first play party I attended quickly showed
me just how depraved this world is. A cluster of young women
were standing around a kitchen table talking. One of them
told her friends that a relative was suffering from a serious
disease. Immediately there was a chorus of ‘I’ll
pray for her.’ I thought I was at a church party!
Overall, the people I have met in the BDSM world are kind,
thoughtful, gentle, and generous. I admit, however, that,
as with any large number of people, this world is populated
by all types ranging from the depraved to the saintly -
er, sort of like the population at large!
For an example of how the same activity can
be used or abused according to one’s intention, look
no farther than a Veterans’ Day parade. While most
of those marching are there to honor those who served -
and often died - for their country, we usually find at the
front of the parade a bunch of politicians smiling and waving.
Yes, some are truly there to honor veterans, but I think
you will agree that some are there for their personal gain.
The more I thought about how BDSM affects
people, the more I became convinced that for most of its
practitioners, it was a useful way to improve their mental
health. Those with difficult personal issues are struggling
to deal with those issues. Others who are relatively free
of issues are attempting to enrich their ordinary lives.
And indeed there are many who are using the practices of
BDSM to deepen their spiritual lives! Amazing. Here we have
possibly one of the most effective tools for enriching peoples
lives -- and it is wrongly scorned as weird and kinky!
All this motivated me to write three short
The first argues that it is not sex that
drives BDSM behavior; it is striving for happiness and personality
integration that is driving the process, and there are some
very subtle reasons why BDSM practices take advantage of
the sexual drive; The Connection
Between Sex and BDSM
Second, a new name for what we do would be
most helpful. As usefully all-encompassing as is “BDSM,”
it is terribly hard to explain to the vanilla world, it
gets us into controversial details instead of describing
the overarching benefits gained by these practices, and
it will never be successful in freeing us from the misconceptions
that trouble the public. I propose - and defend - the new
phrase “submission training.” Before you start
finding the flaws in this phrase, read the essay! Submissive
Third, I have been presumptuous enough to
undertake to outline a system of personal development, The
Five Steps to Strength, Freedom and Happiness, that tie
the development of five key virtues to the practices found
in BDSM and its allies, erotic massage and sexual healing.
If I am right and people are truly growing spiritually through
BDSM, it is important that we spell it out, as a first step
to asking the vanilla world to accept and welcome the world
of BDSM, for those who find it helpful. This 2 part essay
can be found here: The Five Steps
and here: How Submission Training
advances one in the Five Steps
I am eager to explore these three areas with
all of you who read this and I welcome your comments. Please
direct them to Mistress
Slave T's Other Essays:
The Five Steps