Brief
Bio:
I am an experienced professional dominant, Sacred Intimate and BDSM educator that has been active in the BDSM lifestyle for well over a decade.
I very much enjoy sharing the joy of BDSM
play with others that wish to learn about this wonderful
expression of human sexuality. I enjoy learning about, and
have gained experience in, a wide array of scene activities
which are further outlined in the Domination Services section
of this site.
As a lifestyle switch I am very familiar and
comfortable at both ends of the whip and feel that my submissive
experience helps me to be a more compassionate & knowledgeable
Domme.
I feel that BDSM can be a vehicle to spiritual awakening and personal healing on several levels and I have some very strong likes and dislikes for the types of energy and the intentions that I enjoy incorporating into my play and my life. For more information on the types of scenes I do NOT do please see my No / Not list.
Frequently Requested Stats:
I was born in the UK so my nationality is
British. When asked my age, I generally respond: "Old
enough to know what I am doing, and young enough to still
enjoy doing it". I am 5'9" in my stocking feet
and well-proportioned. Many more questions like these are
answered on the FAQs page.
My BDSM Philosophy:
BDSM is much more than just kinky sex, and
it is not simply about "power exchange" or the
act of whipping or otherwise tormenting a sub.
For me, my professional BDSM sessions are
about erotic energy exchange and service to another human
being. When I top someone, especially someone new, I strive
to find out what makes that person tick and then tailor
a scene to their needs and desires.
I love to feel a sense of shared joy when
someone's dreams or fantasies are made real. It is amazing
and wonderful for me to watch someone's eyes light up as
we try an activity that they may have feared would be horrible,
but instead they find is surprisingly delightful and pleasant.
Taking someone further than they ever imagined but doing
it safely & with a sense of trust & security is
an ultimate joy for me.
Interview with Mistress Suzanne "SxySadist"
I was asked to do this interview for a site
called "The Dominion" a few years ago and some
of the info on it has changed since then such as location
and things I most want to try but haven't yet.
However, I decided it was such a thorough
and interesting line of questioning that I should add it
to my site. Although quite lengthy, I hope it proves
enjoyable and informative.
Best wishes Suzanne
Introduce yourself (A short Bio)
I am a British born (1963 do the math
yourself) bisexual switch currently residing in CT. I enjoy
many aspects of BDSM but I am most attracted to erotic sensation
play and sensual sadism. I have various interests outside
the scene as well such as dancing, reading and cultivation
and care of bonsai to name a few. I consider myself to be
a very open minded and fairly well rounded person and I
am always interested in learning new things about myself,
those around me and life in general.
How did you get involved in domination?
I got into the scene about 7 or 8 years ago
as a submissive. I absolutely fell in love with the scene
and just about everything about it. I discovered quickly
that I enjoyed very strong sensation and my tolerance and
experience grew rapidly til I earned a reputation for being
a "heavy bottom". After about 2 years I began
switching with friends of mine and discovered I really enjoyed
not only finding but exploring and pushing people's limits.
Having been a bottom myself and knowing how glorious it
is to rise above pain and float to sub space I found myself
wanting to show others how wonderful that felt and in the
process discovered that I have quite a sadistic streak.
Are you Lifestyle or strictly Professional?
I am a lifestyle switch. My current partner
is also a switch so I have the best of both world's in my
personal life and therefore I have no need for personal
or live-in slaves. I do Professional sessions several days
a week but it is not my sole source of income so I can still
afford to be somewhat choosey about who I play with. In
other words.. money is great and helps me buy lots of lovely
new toys but it won't guarantee you a session with me. <smile>
How do you wish to be addressed?
I am not huge on formality and try not to
be the least bit pretentious. I enjoy playful fun sessions
and although many of my playmates and clients call me Mistress,
Ma'am or Mz Sadist just as many just call me Suzanne and
even Suze once they get to know me well enough.
How do potential clients contact you?
Generally via email: Mistress@SxySadist.com
Where are your sessions done (Location).
I do the majority of my sessions in my personal
dungeon in Litchfield County CT, but I also occasionally do
sessions on Long Island (Western Suffolk) in a space I rent
from a dear friend of mine.
What facilities do you have available (Dungeons/school/
medical room etc.)
(At the time of this interview I was in another
location.. please see my Facilities Link for this info)
What is your favorite piece of equipment? Why is it your
favorite?
I am not sure whether this question refers
to furniture or toys and to be honest it is really hard
to say either way. Every piece of furniture has a specific
use depending on what type of scene I am doing. The table
is incredibly long so you can really feel stretched out
and vulnerable. The cross has a padded head rest so you
can relax and float off to that glorious vacationland called
sub space. The bench has straps every where so once you
are in it and fastened there is no possible escape and the
swing is my absolute favorite for dildo / strap on play
and several other activities. As far as toys go.. I am a
certified toy slut. I started doing pro sessions in the
first place so that I could build my arsenal and over the
years I have amassed a tremendous collection of toys. It
is getting harder to find things I want that I don't already
have but I keep trying. <smile> As far as what I love
best, if the house was on fire and I could only save one
toy I would probably burn up trying to decide what to grab.
It really depends so much on my mood at the time and what
type of scene would work best for the sub with whom I am
playing."
Do you have a favorite fetish outfit?
I recently acquired a beautiful Victorian
brocade & lace corset that is simply stunning and was
given the most beautiful skirt I have ever seen to go with
it. (thanks again hon). But in session I wear everything
from leather, to lace to latex depending on my mood that
morning.
What are you looking for in a slave? How can a
slave best please you? Do you see both genders?
I think willingness to let go and really experience
everything possible is what I enjoy seeing most. Not everyone
can enjoy or even handle every activity that I do and although
I do try to cater the scene to match the subs experience
level I turn away quite a few that just seem too narrow
minded or focused on a certain area. I enjoy sensation play..
and I like to use a wide variety of sensations in my scenes,
some intense some very sensual and erotic. If you are not
open and willing to trust that I will not harm you then
don't bother emailing. And yes I am bisexual sexual and
enjoy teasing and tormenting women as well as men. Although
the vast majority of my clients are male I do have some
female friends I play with occasionally (and no I do not
invite them to pro sessions).
Do you accept and enjoy the 'breaking-in' of novices?
I adore newbies! Even though I truly am a
sadist I delight in "showing novices the ropes".
There is really special feeling of satisfaction knowing
that I am introducing someone to their first taste of the
scene and helping them realize their long awaited secret
fantasies. Everything is brand new for them, they tremble
so adorably and the reactions are so amazingly different
that I am always delighted doing "first timer"
sessions. I know a lot of Dommes don't want to bother with
newbies but I really enjoy going slowly with them and finding
all the buttons they may not even know they have."
I have gotten many, many letters from my "cherries"
telling me about how the session was a dream come true and
it gives me a very happy warm feeling knowing that I was
able to share that with them. Besides, if you get them young
you can teach them properly before they learn any bad habits!!
<giggle>
What advice can you give to them?
I always feel that honesty and good communications
with yourself and the Domme is the best place to start.
Search your heart and honestly share what it is that you
are seeking from the session or relationship. It may turn
out that you are not compatible but if that is the case
it is better to know and continue searching til you find
someone that does share your interests. Even though I am
"pro" I won't do a session if I know it either
isn't something I will enjoy or have enough experience in
to do confidently and well. I feel that mutual satisfaction
is more important than a fast buck and honestly strive to
be sure that the sub is as pleased with the session as I
am. I guess what I am trying to get to is that being a switch
gives me a prospective of equality in a scene. The sub has
rights too and he should not allow him or herself to be
bullied into settling for a scene that doesn't meet his
/ her needs. Of course those needs may be to fully serve
the Domme in any way she wants which is fine too as long
as the needs are respected and mutually satisfying. Remember:
sub does not equal doormat. Know what you want or at least
what you think you want and don't want and convey that to
your Domme. If you are told what you want isn't important
(unless you really like being a doormat), Try the next link!
Describe a favorite session with a novice. Why does that
particular one stick in your mind?
I often do what I call Newbie Samplers. I
of course scan the form first to see if there are hard limits
and what areas seem to be of most interest and then I give
them a sampling of many delights. Generally I start with
some bondage, at least wrist cuffs, possibly a blindfold
to heighten awareness and sensation. I may run my nails
down the delicate flesh and suddenly slap the ass firmly.
Maybe some clamps or clothespins on the nipples or genitals.
If there is no medical reason not to or other fear of electricity
I will use the wand attachment to send little sparks from
my fingertips over the whole body. I especially like
to do wax with newbies since it is so sensual. In many cases
I also include some very light and gentle anal play as this
is a source of great interest for many males but also a
very delicate area. Of course there are many other things
I intertwine into the scene but basically to give you an
idea my Newbie samplers are a smorgasbord of sensations,
and as I go I watch the reactions carefully so I know how
he is doing and feeling about each activity. If something
doesn't work for him, I move onto something else till I
get the desired reaction.
What are the things that annoy you most? What happens
to those slaves that annoy you in a session?
I do not annoy easily if a sub is inexperienced
but still respectful. I can be very very patient with newbies
and do my best to answer any questions they may have before
a session as long as they follow my guidelines and instructions
and respect my time. The only thing that truly sends me
into a fit is having a sub attempt to manipulate me in anyway.
I won't stand for someone whining for activities I either
do not engage in or dislike. I have ended sessions abruptly
and sent people home for asking me to "show a little
more skin" or begging to orally worship me. I have
never struck a sub in anger and I never will. Life is too
short for petty annoyances and I prefer to cease and desist
rather than be aggravated. I want to have fun in session,
if play becomes a source of discontent it is no longer play
and then starts feeling too much like that ugly 4 letter
word: WORK! I very much enjoy my life and what I do.. and
want to keep it that way.
Describe one of your most memorable sessions? Describe
the most severe session you have done to date.
I have several wonderful pain sluts that I
enjoy torturing in the most sadistic of ways but in recent
memory one particular scene comes to mind. A friend of mine
who is also a Domme invited me to participate in a scene
with a pain puppy of hers who wanted to be interrogated
until he begged for mercy. I lit up at the idea of course
and the two of us tortured this guy in so many ways. He
was caned severely, pierced between each or his toes, his
balls pinned to his thighs and his cock was pinned to his
belly button then finally I ran needles through his balls
and he still didn't safe. He howled and cried and amazingly
enough cracked the most adorable jokes all through the session
till he was a bloody mess. I never laughed so hard in a
session in my life while still doing unspeakable things
to his body. It was a delightful and memorable encounter.
What area do you enjoy to torture most?
<laughing> The male anatomy offers so
many delicious opportunities for torture. I am especially
fond of nipple torture and CBT. But depending on the reactions
I get from the sub every part of the body can be used to
heighten the cumulative sensation and the overall
scene.
Do you have any specialties that you enjoy? If you do,
please tell me about them.
I have a pretty wide variety of interests
and pride myself on being able to play on many levels from
light & sensual play to very sadistic tortures. I am
well known for my love of wax scenes and enjoy them almost
on a ritualistic basis but I don't know that I would call
it a specialty of mine.
What was the funniest request for a session?
Sorry nothing comes to mind at the moment.
If I think of something I will let you know.
Give a favorite for each of these categories: (give a
reason why its your favorite too)
a)Punishments. The concept of punishment
in a scene although a romantic one that plays into many
fantasies is not one that I find appealing. I will torture
someone because I enjoy it, not in retaliation for misconduct.
b)To humiliate a slave. Depends on the sub's
view of what is humiliating.
c)Implements. Too many to list!!
d) Scenarios. Any scene that just allows me
to be my playful and sadistic self. I am not a huge fan
of the typical role play scenarios, just let me do my thing
and have fun with me.
f) Methods of Torture (prolonged punishment)
Teasing and denial is a wonderful realm to explore since
I love working with energy so much. Also mummification scenes
are a blast since the sub is then totally immobile and helpless.
g) Fetish related books. Screw the Roses by
P Miller and M Devon has always been my favorite. It is
a light hearted and fun guide rather than a strict Safe
Sane Consensual Nazi type handbook filled with stuffy and
pretentious Do's and Don'ts
h ) Fetish related web sites. There are so
many sites that I have seen and enjoyed but off hand I couldn't
list any.
i) Fetish Magazines. I honestly don't pick
up many magazines.
SECTION
B:
Is there a scenario that you haven't tried, but want to?
I have recently become interested in suture
play but have not had the opportunity to explore it more
than briefly doing light bead work and such. I want to try
some infibulation (stitching of the genitals, on males generally
encasing the penis inside the ball sack stitched to the
abdomen) but have yet to find a volunteer to practice on..
are you interested? <smile> (Note: I have since done
and very much enjoyed this scene.. now I need a new fantasy.
:) Hmm<very wicked smile>)
How much importance do you associate with the use of safe
words during session?
I rarely use formal "safe words"
in session unless we are doing a deep role play. I personally
feel that open communication is the best way of knowing
how a scene is going. Often novices are too scared or nervous
to say something isn't right.. so it is then up to me to
read their reactions and their bodies to know how they are
doing. If I sense something isn't working for a sub the
way I want it to, I will ask them if something is wrong.
I honestly feel that a Dom/me that is too self absorbed
in a scene to notice or care how the sub is reacting has
no business doing sessions.
Do you agree that leaving temporary marks show that a
Mistress cares about her slave? What are your thoughts on
this?
Sorry to say so but the question is phrased
badly. I take it to mean do I think that marking a slave
is necessary or required to show I care about him and if
that is the case the answer is no. I do enjoy playing with
sub's that have high tolerances for pain and that can be
marked for several days to a week or so (bruised or play
piercings) but I do not leave marks that last for longer
than they desire and I do not feel it necessary to mark
them at all to consider the session successful".
How do you feel about training married men?
I prefer single or unattached subs simply
because there is more freedom for me to expand their limits
and less concern about marks but on the other hand I also
realize that I am not looking for a long term relationship
with a sub. In a perfect world, all my clients and playmates
will someday find the perfect mate to live with and serve
happily ever after but sadly this is not that world. The
largest percentage of my clients / subs are married men.
Some of them have made their spouses aware of their activities
but most do not. I struggled with this at times because
I dislike dishonesty but I also realize that for many this
is a "sanity" break of sorts and a way for them
to safely live out their fantasies on an occasional basis
and then return to their "normal" life. I personally
would never stay in a relationship where I had to hide my
needs and desires from my "loved one" but it is
not for me to pass judgment on others. I do see married
men on a professional basis and although my sessions are
often sensual and erotic there are NO sexual services rendered
so they can with a clear conscience go back home and know
that have not cheated in the classic sense of the word.
How do you feel about cross dressers? Isn't it a bit unnatural?
Sounds to me like the interviewer has his
own opinion on this matter. <smile> I believe in the
yin and yang of the universe.. nothing is fully black or
white and everyone has elements of both sexes in their personas.
Sexually aggressive women were once accused of being "too
male" for expressing their desires openly. Women were
supposed to take what was given to them and be content.
Men were never suppose to cry or show weakness or they were
labeled "sissy". Welcome to the real world gang!
I don't see anything wrong with a man showing his sensitive
"female" side or wanting to explore his sexuality
in unorthodox ways as long as he doesn't harm anyone else.
I enjoy helping my cross dressers pick out clothes and put
on make up and allow their feminine side to run rampant
in a safe and nurturing environment.
Do you have limits?
Everyone has limits. Or at least activities
that they either don't enjoy or wish to indulge in for whatever
reason. Being alive and open to new experiences though gives
us a chance to continue growing and some things that I considered
limits a year ago are now activities that I have come to
enjoy a great deal. There are a few things though that I
really have no interest in and don't expect to ever change
such as toilet training. I have tried it both as a Domme
and a sub and although I do understand the attraction for
some it just doesn't do anything for me personally. I am
also not big on heavy humiliation scenes. I like people
too much and although I have no problem physically torturing
someone in sadistic ways I am much less comfortable with
mental or psychological abuse. I do not hate men or feel
that I am superior to them in anyway.
How do you deal with subs that attempt to top from the
bottom (control the scene)?
On some level at least all of my professional
scenes are "topped from the bottom". The bottom
sets the mood and parameters of the play when he fills out
the form. Once I reply to it and set an appointment it means
I have read and understood what he is looking for from the
scene and that I feel we could have a good time together.
Hard limits are taken into account and respected. I keep
his greatest areas of interest in mind when I begin the
scene and then watch the reactions as I move through it.
I want the session to be enjoyable for both of us and the
only way that can happen is with input from both parties.
It is like writing a song.. the words and the melody have
to be in sync or it won't play well. Of course once the
scene starts I am the one choreographing it but I am open
to polite suggestions and requests. If a bottom has a need
that he can express respectfully and I am able to fulfill
that need without compromising my own needs and desires
then I will do my best to meet it. I want the bottom to
enjoy the session as much as I do so that we can continue
making beautiful music together for a long time. OK that
sounds corny and I know it, but I am a romantic at heart.
<smile>
Do you see slaves in a non professional role?
To be honest my schedule is normally quite
insane. Between my part time retail job, my professional
sessions, college classes and homework, the scene related
events I attend and attempting to squeeze in a personal
life it seems I all too often have little time left for
anything else. I do enjoy attending play parties with friends
of mine and have found that they offer me the best opportunity
to play entirely for the fun of it. I will often be found
bottoming to my SO (significant other) or doing wax scenes
with a dear friend of mine but I have also been known to
do sessions with unaccompanied male subs just for kicks.
Are you looking for full time or part time personal boy
toys to train?
As I said earlier, I am in a relationship
right now that meets all of my personal needs as a top and
a bottom with a person that brings great joy to my life.
We are very fortunate to have found each other and I need
no one else on a personal level at the moment. I am however
interested in finding the perfect sissy maid to come and
do some light house keeping for me every other week or so.
Anyone interested may send a letter of introduction and
resume` to me by email.
What is your position on 24/7 relationships?
That is a subject I tend to avoid because
it can be so incredibly controversial. I have shared my
honest opinion on it in the past and had it turn into a
heated debate. Let me just leave it to say that there are
many different kinds of people with different needs and
as many different kinds of relationships to meet those needs.
If a relationship works for all of the parties involved
then it is a good one. Nuff' said.
Have you ever made a man cry? If so, how does that make
you feel?
I assume this question pertains strictly to
scene based activities and not personal relationships but
there are many reasons why people cry and tears are not
normally a goal of mine in a scene. I have never tried to
intentionally hurt anyone emotionally to induce crying as
a reaction. I have consensually pushed pain puppies to the
point of uncontrollable sobbing and I am pleased on many
levels with that. When I bottom with my switch-mate I very
often enjoy being pushed to the point of tears and find
it to be an amazing cathartic experience. I have also cried
tears of joy in a heavy scene when the pain / pleasure level
builds to the point that I just get so lost in the sensations
that the entire world stops and nothing exists but the two
of us and this magical feeling we are sharing. I enjoy giving
those gifts to others and if the tears come for those reasons
I am well pleased. I do not delight in non consensual or
emotional pain, I delight in the joy my skills can give
others.
What was the most humiliating or degrading thing have
you inflicted on a slave?
As I said before I am not huge on degrading
people unless it is in a fun and playful way. I think my
Sissies afford me the best opportunity for fun in this area
with things like public shopping trips. One adventure that
really stands out in my mind was Stephie's Quest. My sweet
Stephanie wanted to do a scene where she was already tied
to the motel bed (it was a LI scene and the rental dungeon
wasn't available) but I wanted to have all my equipment
in place and ready when she arrived so I had to figure a
way to set up the room and then get the key to her. So I
started scheming and devised this fairly elaborate treasure
hunt scene where she had to follow a series of notes that
we hidden along a busy highway. She had to do things like
kneel down on the sidewalk in front of the post office to
retrieve one from under a mailbox.. go to a public payphone
to page me at the halfway point and go into an adult shop
and buy a pretty pink dildo and tell the store clerk that
her Mistress sends her regards. All along the way were notes
telling her where to go next and retrieve the next clue.
Finally, she had to go to a busy diner and find a specific
person inside then kneel down on the floor and humbly ask
if Mistress has any final instructions. Oh! Did I mention
that she was doing all of this in a latex French maid's
outfit with fishnet stockings and high heels and that we
had a freak snowstorm the night before which dumped 2 feet
of snow on everything? She wimped on the last order but
I managed to get the key to her any way and of course punish
her accordingly for failing her final task (although I was
truthfully very proud of how far she got). It was a really
fun scene to set up and she told me later it was a wonderful
adventure and she will remember it always, as will I. <smile>
Do you believe when a slave sets limits prior to the session,
are these limits expandable?
I will not breach hard limits under any circumstance
unless the sub tells me it is no longer a limit. If I am
told the sub cannot leave with marks for instance I do my
best to insure that he doesn't. The first rule of Dom/me
school is "Do not break your toys if you want to play
again!" As far as pushing things a bit... I use the
form on my site to plan the scene and I will occasionally
question an activity that has been given a very low score
to determine if the sub has experience with that and hates
it, has an innate fear of that activity that would make
it decidedly uncomfortable or is just assuming he won't
like it but really has no clue what it is. For example...
I see a lot of people put very low marks on wax play due
to misconceptions and I delight in showing them just how
sensual and erotic wax can be when done properly.
For novices who don't know their limits. When do you know
that a limit has been reached?
The screaming is usually a subtle clue. <smile>
No, seriously... I am quite proficient at reading body language.
The face and body do not lie... if something doesn't feel
right the body normally tenses, the breathing changes, the
eyes show it... it is as clear as a neon sign if you are
watching and aware of the signs. I pick up on signals as
I go along and act accordingly. I don't want to traumatize
a novice and feel that if the chemistry is right there is
always time to push the limits slowly and broaden the scope
of the play later on.
How long is the average session?
Sessions generally last from 1 - 4 hours,
occasionally longer but not often. I have been asked about
over night sessions but to be frank very few people have
ever actually offered enough tribute to command that much
of my time and take away from my personal life for an entire
evening of my company. Sound snobby? Perhaps! I enjoy playing
very much but when night falls I want to be in the arms
of my significant other, snuggled lovingly and maybe making
love wildly and passionately after the exciting energy transference
of the day. Not checking on a sub in the dungeon all night
making sure his body parts don't fall off from being bound
too tightly. But who knows.. make me an offer and we can
discuss letting you listen. <smile>
Do subs have a say about what will happen during a session?
Yes in a way. I use a pretty extensive form
on my site to screen clients and on that form you are asked
to rate activities on a scale of 1 - 10 so that I get a
sense of what your greatest interests are. If I like your
answers and those things happen to be interests of mine
as well and I feel that we could have a good time together,
I will contact you with rate and availability information.
I will then use that form to loosely plan the scene. I am
still very much in control of what activities I do and when
but I try to be sure that the scene will be one that is
enjoyable for us both. I firmly believe that if I am not
having fun, neither will the sub and I won't do a scene
if I don't expect to have at least a little fun.
Have you recently starred in any videos? If you have,
please describe your favorite.
One of my favorite visitors is Japanese and
jokes about photography being genetic for him and he had
requested being able to set up a video camera during one
of our sessions which I allowed. Several weeks later he
presented me with a 4 cd set of video clips of our session.
I was delighted and impressed with the quality of the editing
and the way he presented the whole package so we negotiated
a deal where he would make a couple more that I could market
and we had a great time making them. They have a home made
air about them but hopefully they are entertaining and give
the viewers a better sense of what I am like in session.
<laughing> I am no actress by any means and the Academy
Awards people will never knock on my door but I had fun
doing them and have been told that it shows.
Do you go to fetish related events and parties? If so,
which of them?
Although I do not get the time to travel as
much as I would like I have been fortunate to attend a lot
of the local scene events. I enjoy mingling with like minded
people and playing in public both as a top and as a bottom
as often as possible. For example: I attended Leather Retreat
in PA 4 or 5 years in a row and although it is a bit more
rustic than I like it has always been a great event. I also
attended BR many times. I have gone to a few of the NYC
clubs but to be honest other than Paddles I find them to
be dirty and a bit sleazy. My favorite local club is a private
one located on Long Island but it is closed for the summer.
It is frequented by most of my friends from the Long Island
Leather and Rose's Munch. We have a wonderful group and
I have been honored and pleased to do various presentations
and workshops for the group on things like needles, electro
play and breath play. Also I recently discovered La
Chateau in Meriden CT and absolutely love the place! I will
be spending quite a bit more time there in the next few
months. (Please note this info is several years old and
some of these places no longer exist)
