{"id":14314,"date":"2022-06-01T12:57:14","date_gmt":"2022-06-01T16:57:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sxysadist.com\/MainSite\/?p=14314"},"modified":"2022-06-01T12:57:14","modified_gmt":"2022-06-01T16:57:14","slug":"how-to-contact-a-dominatrix","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sxysadist.com\/MainSite\/?p=14314","title":{"rendered":"How to contact a dominatrix"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

While perusing the interwebs the other day I came across this excellent article on How to Book a Professional Dominatrix<\/a> on the website Off the Cuffs written by Petra Hunter. I think she has done an excellent job of giving valuable info relevant to nervous newcomers to the kink scene and I highly recommend anyone that wants to book their first professional BDSM scene reads this article! I completely concur with her comment about how “special and fulfilling” it is to be trusted to guide someone through their first experience. I take it very seriously when I am someone’s “first time” because I know how it can shape someone’s entire journey into the lifestyle. I have had some many people tell me even years later that they were grateful I was their first and it truly warms my heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I sadly have also heard many horror stories of people’s first experiences being very negative and how it has often turned people off from kink entirely or at least made them very leery about trusting someone again. Professional dominants are definitely not all the same and there is no official school, curriculum or licensing board that needs to be passed in order to deem someone safe, sane or worthy of your trust so be forewarned as you venture out there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, also please keep in mind that many of us are also a bit leery of people that want to ask dozens of questions. grilling us on every aspect of the imagined scene, often while heavy breathing and holding the phone in their non dominant hand, if you know what I mean. <eyeroll> Many of us have had much worse than our time wasted and some have been lucky to tell the tale, others not so fortunate. So please understand if we have some hoops you need to jump through before we feel confident inviting you to be alone with us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be an almost magical thing when the energy is right and the connection is established and you feel like you have finally found someone that understand you and your inner desires. I hope to be that Mistress for you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Book a Professional Dominatrix<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

by Off the Cuffs: a Kink & BDSM Podcast<\/a> | Sep 18, 2020 | Blog<\/a> | 2 comments<\/a>\"\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Guest post by Petra Hunter<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you\u2019ve dabbled in the lifestyle for years, or maybe you\u2019re brand new to kink. Whatever your background, you\u2019ve finally decided you\u2019re ready to branch out and book a session with a professional Dominant. How exciting!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a professional Dominatrix, I see a lot of first-timers\u2026 and I love it! There\u2019s something so special and fulfilling about being chosen to help someone explore kink for the first time. My favorite compliment is being told I made someone feel comfortable and safe during their first session, and that their only regret was not booking sooner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be scary to reach out to a Mistress for the first time, especially if you don\u2019t know where to start. That\u2019s where this blog comes in. From what to know before you book to ways to stand out as a client, I\u2019ve made a detailed list of tips to consider before booking a professional Dominatrix for the first time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Things to Know Upfront<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s okay to be nervous.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I always laugh when new clients arrive at the dungeon and apologize for being nervous, because it\u2019s nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for in the first place. It\u2019s absolutely okay to get anxious before your first session! Even experienced players with 20+ years in kink still get nervous before sessions sometimes. Embrace your nerves rather than using drugs or alcohol to calm yourself before your trip to the dungeon. Most reputable Mistresses have strict rules against playing with intoxicated clients.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Know where to find us.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s almost impossible for sex workers to advertise in print these days, so your best bet is to start by searching online. In the United States, there aren\u2019t many popular BDSM-centric ad platforms aside from Dickie Virgin, so a number of Dommes advertise on sites typically used by escorts, like Eros, Slixa, and Tryst. Many of us also work hard to make sure our websites have great SEO, which means we\u2019re likely to appear when you use a search engine to find a Dominatrix in your area. Though many of us have a presence on social media, don\u2019t message us on those platforms to initiate bookings: messages like that are typically violations of that platform\u2019s Terms of Service and can get our accounts shut down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Afraid of being scammed? Know what to look for.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Some first-timers are concerned they\u2019ll send their private information and hard-earned money to someone who doesn\u2019t exist at all. These anxieties leave folks hesitant to give out necessary screening information, leave a deposit, or even contact a professional in the first place. While there are, unfortunately, plenty of scammers using stolen photos of Mistresses in an attempt to make a quick buck, it\u2019s pretty easy to weed them out if you know what to look for\u2026 especially if you already have some practice dodging fake play partners on FetLife!

Remember that as professional Dominants, we\u2019ve chosen careers in an underground field with limited advertising options. To combat this, we craft well-written websites, pour thousands of dollars into professional photo shoots, and spend hours establishing a presence on multiple social media platforms. For some of us, our online paper trail even includes our own clip stores, options for online domination via phone or text, detailed blog entries, interviews, and podcast appearances.

If you have doubts about a Dominant\u2019s authenticity, do a few minutes of simple research. If she claims she\u2019s been a professional for seven years yet her website is bare-bones and uses the same four grainy photos over and over again, then something probably doesn\u2019t add up, especially if you can\u2019t find much about her anywhere else. If you\u2019re still uncertain, it may be best to find a different Mistress. Every story I\u2019ve heard from a client who\u2019s been scammed has always started with, \u201cI should have known better.\u201d And frankly? They should have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Know what you\u2019re looking for.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You may not know the full extent of what you\u2019re looking for just yet, especially if you\u2019re brand new to kink. That\u2019s perfectly okay: we love introducing folks to new things! That said, it\u2019s important to have a basic idea of your kinks and fetishes to help us gauge our compatibility with you as a potential client. If you know you want to be spanked by a tall woman in leather, for example, tell us that from the beginning so you don\u2019t show up to the dungeon only to find you\u2019ve booked a short Domme who only owns latex. This is where a Mistress\u2019 website and online presence can be especially helpful: we often use these platforms to showcase what you can expect from us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your first time may not be magical.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

I say this not to dissuade you, but to be realistic. Sometimes the magic we all crave in intimate interactions like this isn\u2019t there right away, or even at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n


This isn\u2019t always the case, of course: you may instantly click with your Mistress and your first session may go even better than you hoped. In my experience, this is what happens more often than not, but it\u2019s important to recognize that your first session may be awkward or a little disappointing. This may be the result of a miscommunication or your own nerves getting in the way of your enjoyment, or it could be that your chosen Dominant isn\u2019t a good fit for you.

If you find yourself in that situation, know that it doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re a bad client or that you\u2019re not kinky. Sometimes two people aren\u2019t a good match despite their best efforts, much like any other relationship. I\u2019ve conducted the best session some folks have ever had and I\u2019ve also given others their worst. I\u2019m not a good fit for everyone, and that\u2019s okay.

If you have a less-than-stellar session with a Dominatrix, I encourage you to keep experimenting before completely giving up on professional kink. One of my favorite clients started his kink journey by visiting three different Mistresses over the course of a few years. He had disappointing sessions each time and was almost ready to give up kink all together. He decided to give it one more chance and reached out to me. I blew his mind (& busted his balls!).<\/p>\n\n\n

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Booking Basics<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You now know where to look for a Mistress and how to gauge her authenticity, and you\u2019re also comfortable knowing your first time may not go as planned. What comes next?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do your research.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Research the Dommes in your area to determine who may be the best fit for your interests. If you\u2019re on the fence about booking someone, check her website for options to get to know her better. If a Dominatrix films clips, for example, buy a few to watch her in action. This can give you valuable insight into her personality and play style prior to booking.

Read our websites and pay close attention to the fine print. Some Dommes may only be available on certain days of the week or only before 7 PM. Some may have special requirements for new clients, like a two-hour session minimum. Respect our chosen honorifics, pronouns, and gender identities. We can always tell who did their research prior to reaching out versus who sent the same message to every Mistress in the area.

Keep a realistic budget in mind when researching who you\u2019d like to play with. Your desired Mistress may be out of your budget, which means you need to know if you\u2019re willing to save up to see her. Don\u2019t haggle our rates or ask if we offer discounts. A number of factors determine how we price our sessions, but one reason it\u2019s expensive to see a Dominatrix is because it\u2019s expensive to be one: I maxed out four lines of credit to open my first dungeon and it took me years to climb out of that hole.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Submit screening information.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

After you\u2019ve picked the Domme of your choice, she\u2019ll request information to gauge your compatibility. In addition to asking about your interests, she\u2019ll ask for personal information like your real name and phone number. Some of us ask for other things, like a copy of your driver\u2019s license or a link to your LinkedIn profile.

It can be intimidating to give this information to a stranger, but hesitancy to follow our screening protocol is a red flag for many Mistresses. As sex workers, we don\u2019t have many legal protections in the event we\u2019re robbed, assaulted, or raped on the job. We need to be confident in your identity before we agree to be alone in a room with you.

If you\u2019re nervous about the screening process, remember that a large part of our job as professional kinksters involves being professional secret keepers. If we were ever loose with client information, word would get out that we weren\u2019t trustworthy and our careers would be ruined. If you\u2019re not comfortable telling us your real name, you\u2019re not ready to book yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be ready to deposit.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

After your Dominatrix confirms she\u2019d like to play with you, you\u2019ll likely have to submit a nonrefundable deposit to secure your booking. The deposit amount and method varies per Dominant and counts toward your total session cost. More importantly, it provides assurance you\u2019re committed to actually showing up.

Follow every step of your Domme\u2019s deposit instructions, especially when it comes to any notes sent with it: writing \u201cI can\u2019t wait to be your little slut!\u201d on a payment app may result in her account getting flagged and shut down. If you\u2019d prefer to pay in full when you make your deposit, message your Domme first to make sure she\u2019ll allow it. Some won\u2019t mind but others, like me, only accept payment in full ahead of time if it\u2019s cash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ways to Stand Out<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations! You\u2019ve left your deposit and have officially secured your first session with a professional Dominatrix. Read below for ways to stand out as a client.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cancelling? Respect our time.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you got called away on a sudden work trip, got sick, or simply realized you\u2019re not quite ready to visit a Domme just yet. Regardless of why you need to cancel or reschedule, tell us as soon as possible so we can make adjustments as necessary. We make personal and professional decisions based on your commitment, and failure to notify us in a timely manner is rude, selfish, and genuinely rage-inducing.

Every Domme has her own cancellation and rescheduling policy, so read it prior to booking and ask questions if necessary. If you have to cancel, submit the remainder of your session fee via the payment app of her choice to show you respect her time.<\/p>\n\n\n

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Bathe beforehand.<\/strong><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You wouldn\u2019t show up to a first date or job interview directly after an hour on the treadmill, so treat your session the same way. Shower beforehand if you\u2019re able, especially if you have a naturally strong body odor or tend to sweat a lot. If you can\u2019t shower on your own time, ask your Mistress if you can rinse off at the dungeon prior to play. Wear deodorant, brush your teeth, and use mouthwash, but try to avoid using strong colognes: your Domme may be sensitive to artificial fragrances.

If you\u2019d like anything to go up your ass, be it a plug, a fist, or a knob of peeled ginger, give yourself an enema, even if you think you\u2019re already clean. Do plenty of research beforehand, because an enema done incorrectly can make things messier than when you started. You\u2019re not trying to induce a bowel movement thanks to constipation, you\u2019re trying to clean out your butthole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Surprise us with a tip or gift.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

This isn\u2019t mandatory, of course, but the best way to get on a Domme\u2019s good side from the start is to show up with an unexpected surprise, be it a cash tip or a physical gift. It takes a lot of time, money, and personal sacrifice to be a Dominatrix, and nothing makes us swoon more than clients who show they appreciate our efforts.

If you\u2019d like to show up with a physical gift for your Mistress, read over her website to make sure you\u2019re making an informed choice.  An expensive bottle of red wine won\u2019t go over well with a Mistress who doesn\u2019t drink.

You can still surprise your Mistress with a token of your appreciation even if you\u2019re short on disposable income. Some of my favorite gifts from clients include about $2 in canned cat food for the stray that hung around my first dungeon, art made just for me (I\u2019m lookin\u2019 at you, Bad Baby!), and handwritten letters expressing how excited they are to play with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s all there is to it! I hope this list gave you a great starting place for finding your first Dominatrix, and I hope your first time with a professional is just as magical as you hoped. Good luck!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mistress Petra Hunter is a professional Dominatrix in Dallas, Texas. She\u2019s played professionally online since 2011 and in person at her private dungeon since 2016. She loves mockumentaries, making friends with stray cats, and a tightly-laced corset. She can be found on her site at petrahunter.com.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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