So there was a last minute monkey wrench thrown into my plans for this weekend but it is actually not necessarily a bad thing.\u00a0 My new friend David from NH and I had planned to get together Thursday night\u00a0through Saturday a.m. to reconnect, and have some fun and although I had discussed it with Brett before making any plans and he seemed fine with it in theory, when the moment of truth came he (Brett) admitted to me that he was having a really hard time handling the idea of David coming to spend that much time with me, so I cancelled the visit. \u00a0<\/p>\n
I was naturally disappointed but I\u00a0felt that giving Brett\u00a0some time and space to deal with his feelings was more important than a play weekend with a good friend.\u00a0 I want him to know that he is absolutely my primary partner and that he is still most important to me and\u00a0that I\u00a0honor his feelings.\u00a0\u00a0I also needed to do a little soul searching about this stuff myself.<\/p>\n
I am pretty new to the poly lifestyle\u00a0myself and I am still working out the boundaries and logistics of how that works emotionally, physically, spiritually etc for me.\u00a0 I am certainly no poster child for polyamory and I am working up some thoughts that\u00a0I intend to explore in another posting soon.. but what it boils down to for me is this:<\/p>\n
I enjoy the freedom of being\u00a0completely present and capable of remaining open to fully engaging with people I really like.\u00a0\u00a0Sometimes that might just entail a great conversation and a cup of tea, it might include BDSM play of an intensely erotic kind, or simply spooning with a friend while watching TV or\u00a0it might consist of curling up at the end of a delicious encounter and falling asleep.\u00a0It does not HAVE to include\u00a0what most people consider sex (oral, vaginal or anal penetration) but\u00a0I definitely enjoy\u00a0engaging in intimate ways with several of the people I really care about in my life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I realize that this is far from\u00a0“normal” by societies standards and that it is a hell of a lot to ask of a partner to accept.\u00a0 Most people are brought up to believe the possessive love paradigm that pushes monogamy as the only acceptable relationship format and\u00a0honestly I was there myself for the better part of 3 decades. But life has brought me down some interestingly twisted paths and I do not want to limit myself or the people I am involved with to only being able to learn from, love or engage intimately with one person anymore.\u00a0 I believe my friend and fellow rope lover said it best (or at least in a way that totally makes sense to me now): “I believe in loving profligately while there is time under heaven in which to do it.”<\/p>\n
And yet, I totally understand that Brett is going to need me to be understanding and supportive of him as he tries to figure out if he can handle this kind of a relationship. For the record, I am praying that he can because I absolutely adore this man and it is truly not my intention to torment him emotionally and he seems to think that with time and practice this will become easier for him to bear.\u00a0\u00a0We are continuing to talk and discuss what will work for us both.\u00a0\u00a0He has even journaled in his blog\u00a0about this and has contacted David to try\u00a0and build a friendship\u00a0with him.\u00a0\u00a0David, by the way, was really awesome and didn’t get mad that I bailed on him at the last minute.\u00a0 He is planning to see us both (Brett and I) next month at one of the NELA classes and again in Chicago for Shibaricon.<\/p>\n
The coolest part I think was that Brett and I are able to discuss even some really tough subjects as loving and compassionate adults.\u00a0 Even when emotions are running high, we have been able to come together from a loving place and worked on finding out what would be best for our relationship and for both of us as individuals as well.\u00a0\u00a0 I love that about us and think that we are stronger and better than ever .. and there will be plenty of other\u00a0play dates\u00a0in my future with him and with others.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"