I ran into a bit of a snag while trying to complete the final week of my six-month certification at ShamanicKink.com this week.

I’ll spare you the more discouraging details. I’m choosing not to dwell on them, since rehashing the experience won’t change the outcome—and tends to feed negative energy. The short version is that when I arrived at the Canadian border, less than 15 miles from the venue, I wasn’t permitted to enter the country. Wah-wah-wah-wahhhhh. (sad face)

I’m sure several factors worked against me. First, I have to take responsibility for the fact that I have absolutely no idea how to pack lightly—especially when I’m driving and don’t have to worry about luggage restrictions. I mean, seriously!? If even a small part of me thought it might come in handy, I threw it in the car because why not? As a result, the border guard questioned the purpose of my visit and seemed concerned that I might be trying to smuggle something into Canada, establish a business, or move there illegally.

I’m sure the current political climate and heightened tensions didn’t help, either. Apparently, I wasn’t convincing enough that I was traveling solely to attend a weeklong spiritual retreat workshop. After approximately 45 minutes—including a full review of my criminal record—I was asked to return to the United States. It then took about 10 minutes of questioning at the U.S. border before I was told I could go home.

Whew.

For the record, I have absolutely no poker face when it comes to lying. If you ask me a direct question—such as, “Have you ever been arrested?”—I’m basically incapable of doing anything other than answering honestly, and probably sharing more than is strictly necessary or good for me. I also know that even a white lie or partial truth on my lips would be immediately obvious and would likely make the situation far worse.

One thing led to another, and now I’m back home figuring out my next steps. I feel disappointed, but definitely not defeated.

Shamanic Kink Certification: Take Two

Before I drove to the border, I had already decided that I wanted to retake the course. Yes, it requires a significant investment of time, personal work, and commitment. But I gained so much from the first experience that I want to go through it again—this time more slowly, and from a more grounded and present place—so I can absorb and integrate as much as possible.

Shamanic Kink is taught by the amazing Francesca Gentile and Shadi Terra. The program draws from Nonviolent Communication, the PLISSIT model of coaching, and the Inner Aspect Method.

In brief, the Inner Aspect Method helps you identify the different inner aspects—or parts—of yourself; understand how they may be influencing your experience; and explore where they come from and what they most want or need. This work is grounded in unconditional positive regard and acceptance, creating space for you to feel seen, heard, and understood.

The six-month certification begins again in March 2027, shortly after I return home from Kinky Caribbean. That gives me several months to continue practicing and developing my coaching skills. To begin with, I’m especially interested in strengthening my reflective listening skills.

What is reflective listening?

Reflective listening is a process in which I invite you to share what feels most “alive” for you in the present moment. My role is to listen—really listen—and reflect back what I’m hearing so that we can develop a clearer, more accurate understanding of your experience.

Together, we may notice which inner aspects feel most present or are speaking the loudest, and explore what those parts might need or benefit from. Sometimes, being listened to carefully and accurately is meaningful in itself.

I’m ready to begin offering one-hour reflective listening video calls for $160, two or three days or evenings per week. This is approximately half my usual base rate for in-person BDSM play sessions, which are still available as well. If you’re interested in booking one of those, you’re welcome to apply through the Book Your Session page on my website.

And yes, my life is already fairly full. But I feel deeply drawn to this work, and I’d like to begin offering more of it now. 🙂

To be clear: These are not masturbation sessions, and I will not be showing my breasts on camera.

I understand why some men might assume we’ll move directly into sexual conversation, but that isn’t the purpose of Shamanic Kink coaching. This work is focused on self-exploration and transformational change—not a quick, sexy rub-and-tug.

Kink-related topics are welcome, especially when they connect with shame, self-criticism, internal conflict, or other aspects of your personal experience. However, the purpose of these calls is not sexual interaction or orgasm-focused activity.

I don’t yet know how much interest there will be, but I’m hoping to schedule calls a week or two in advance, a couple of days each week. I also want to be intentional about maintaining a sustainable balance—offering this work often enough for it to feel meaningful and engaging, without overbooking myself or burning out.

So, when was the last time you were able to talk about what was really going on for you in a way that felt supportive, respectful, and trustworthy?

Let’s set up a call.